Page 3 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
Jaxson is very misperceived by people, mainly due to the reputation of his father. Grams once told me his father was a terrible man and Jaxson was better off without him. That’s all she had said but I didn’t need her to elaborate because I could tell just how deeply his father had hurt him. At times I could see flashes of it when, for that brief moment, his guard slipped and he didn’t realize anyone was looking. I know any physical scars that he bared are incomparable to the ones that were left on his heart.
Don’t get me wrong, Jaxson has earned some of his reputation. He can be arrogant, aggressive and angry. He’s guarded and damaged yet he’s also beautiful, strong and honorable. Our friendship surprised a lot of people because, other than Cooper, Jaxson never befriended anyone else and he definitely didn’t have any friends that were girls. But Jaxson and I formed a bond, one that was so strong it was unbreakable. I unconditionally and irrevocably loved every damaged part of him. And for the boy, who didn’t believe in love, he would always and forever have mine.
I come up to Jaxson sitting by the fire, staring into the bright flames, lost in thought. I watch him a moment, his troubled expression glowing from the firelight.
When he finally realizes I’m here he looks up at me and his face transforms, his harsh expression softens and he looks almost relieved to see me. Sometimes when he looks at me like this I think maybe he does love me the way I love him? But then whenever I get that silly thought I shove it away and remember whom I’m talking about.
He gives me his usual sexy smirk as he stands and walks over to me, “Hey Jules,” he says leaning down to kiss my forehead. For whatever reason Jaxson has kissed my forehead from the moment we became friends. It’s something that he’s reserved just for me and I savor the intimate contact with him. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his hard body.
“Hey Jax,” I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe in his delicious scent.
Stepping back Jaxson takes my hand and leads me to sit next to him by the fire. His expression causes my heart rate to spike again and I know whatever he’s going to tell me it’s going to be bad.
Leaning back against the log behind us I wrap both my arms around one of his and lean into him, needing his warmth.
“You cold Jules?”
Although the evenings here are warm in July it’s always a little cooler by the water. But the chill I have now has nothing to do with the breeze from the ocean and everything to do with the dread that’s rushing through my system.
“I’m ok,” I say quietly, then I look at him nervously, “you’re going to tell me something bad aren’t you?”
He’s silent for a moment but his expression says it all. He lets out a heavy breath, “It’ll be alright Jules, it’s not that bad.” There’s sadness in his expression but also some excitement, “I’m leaving town. I have decided to enlist in the Navy, I want to be a Seal.”
My heart plummets as we stare at each other silently for a moment, “Ok, and what does this mean exactly? Where would you go? Don’t you have to qualify first before you can even be accepted?”
He clears his throat, “I have already been accepted. I had to do some written exams and evaluations but I passed. I actually scored really high on them. I’m going to their training facility in Coronado, California.”
“What do you mean you have already been accepted? Just how long have you thought about this?”
He clears his throat cautiously, “I started the process about 6 months ago Jules.”
I stare at him in shock, “What!? Six months? You have known about this for 6 months and never said anything to me?” Hurt strikes deep in my chest replacing my shock, “I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
“Shit. I know, I’m sorry Jules. I didn’t want to upset you if I wasn’t going to make it and pass the exams,” there’s a moment of silence between us before he continues, “I need to do this Julia. I need to get out of this fucking town, I don’t belong here. I had always planned on leaving one day, I just didn’t know it would be for the Navy. The only thing that has been keeping me here this long has been you, and well, maybe Coop too.”
I stare at him dumbfounded, “How can you say you don’t belong here Jaxson? You grew up here for heaven sakes.”
“That’s exactly my point Julia, everyone knows my shit. They know what I come from. Don’t tell me you don’t see how many people look down their fucking noses at me, especially when we’re together. Every one of them wonders what sweet little Margaret Sinclair’s granddaughter is doing being friends with a fuck-up like me.”
“I know some people are stuck-up in this town but I’m sure it doesn’t happen as much as you think it does. Please don’t do this! Don’t leave because you think you need to prove yourself.” The thought of him leaving and not being able to see him everyday kills a small part of me.
“I’m not doing this to prove something to them Julia. I don’t give a fuck what they think of me, I’m doing this for myself. I think I’ve found something that I’m going to be really good at. I did so well on the evaluation that the superior officers are excited to meet me.”
“Can’t you choose something else? Something that isn’t so dangerous? How about being a mechanic? Or owning your own motorcycle shop, you would be so good at that and that would be fun!” I try to sound upbeat at the last part, hoping he takes the bait, but he doesn’t.
He watches me with amusement and I can tell he’s holding back a laugh.
