Page 126 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
I frame his face between my hands and force him to look at me. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now, but I promise, Cade, as time goes on it will get a little better. You’re always going to miss her and I’m sure it will always hurt, but not this much. It still hurts me to think about Aadil, but ever since you and the kids, it’s been getting better. You all have healed my heart in so many ways; let us do the same for you.”
He drops his forehead on mine. “That’s why I went. I knew I had to deal with her death, and I’m trying, but…” he pauses as he struggles through his emotion.
“What?” I ask softly.
“It’s the fucking guilt, Red. It’s been eating at me for twelve fucking years, and that’s the hardest part—trying to forgive myself.”
“Forgive yourself for what?” I ask confused, wondering what on earth he’s talking about.
“For not stopping it. For not making it in time. For…”
“Cade, no!” I interrupt, not being able to bear hearing him blame himself. “None of what happened was your fault, you were just a child.”
“I was fucking fifteen.”
“Exactly! Look at Christopher, would you blame him?”
He grinds his teeth and my heart shatters at the agony etched on his face. “I fucking knew what kind of person my mother was, knew the guy was a fucking nut job, but I didn’t know he was ever alone with her, that he had been fucking with her.”
“Of course you didn’t know, because if you did you would have stopped it. What happened to her was your mother’s fault and his, not yours.” He shakes his head but I don’t let him protest. “Yes, Cade, listen to me. Your sister knows you love her, and she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for any of this. I know we don’t view things in life the same but I really do believe she’s okay, and that she’s at peace.”
Something passes over his expression, something I can’t decipher. “Well, funny you should say that…”
“What?” I ask when he trails off. He steps back then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a long, wide, white ribbon. He passes it to me and I take it in confusion. “What is it?”
“It was my sister’s. At least I think it was…” He shakes his head. “Jesus. I don’t fucking know what to think, Faith.” I continue to stare at him, bewildered. “I was sitting at her grave for fucking hours, just sitting there while memories of her ran through my head; they were so clear I swear I could hear her fucking voice, as if she was right beside me. And then, all of a sudden, this thing came out of nowhere and landed right in my fucking hand.”
My eyes widen in shock and I feel a huge smile transform my face. “Oh my god, Cade, are you serious? That is amazing.”
“Amazing?” he repeats, as if I’m crazy. “Red, I just fucking told you my sister’s ribbon, that she used to wear in her hair, flew out of thin fucking air then landed in my hand, and you tell me this is fucking amazing?”
His brash tone does nothing to wipe the smile off my face. “Don’t you see? It was her telling you she sees you and that she’s at peace. Do you have any idea how many people would love to have someone, who they miss dearly, send them something as precious as this?”
He continues to stare at me like I’m crazy, but I also see the hope in his eyes. I know he wants to believe it, but instead he responds with a grunt. “You sound like your father.”
My smile dies and I immediately stiffen, wondering what that means. “My father?”
“Yeah, he said the same thing to me.”
Shock quickly replaces the anger I was just feeling. “You spoke to my father?”
He nods and I watch guilt pass over his expression. “I know I fucked up at Christopher’s birthday, Red, and he deserved an apology. I didn’t mean for our meeting to be like that, I just…I couldn’t seem to help it. All I could picture was that bastard hurting my sister, her bleeding and crying…” he trails off and clenches his jaw.
“My father is nothing like that horrible man, Cade,” I say sadly, hating that he could think that.
He steps closer and frames my face between his hands. “I know, baby. Some part of me even knew it at the time, but like I said, I couldn’t stop it from fucking with my head. And knowing that I almost lost you and Christopher because of it…” He shakes his head. “It’s why I went to her grave. I knew I had to deal with it if I wanted to keep you and the kids.”
I swallow thickly and try to focus on him through my blurry vision. “And is that what you want? Me and the kids?”
He cups the back of my neck and rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t just want you, Red, I fucking need you, more than my next fucking breath.” A small sob of relief escapes me, his words meaning so much to my broken heart. He kisses my tears and runs his lips across my wet cheek until his mouth reaches my ear. “Marry me.”
My heart completely stops and I back up to look at him. “Wha- what?”
He watches me earnestly, “I said, marry me. I know I don’t deserve you, baby, especially after what an asshole I was, but I fucking need you, Red, all three of you. And I promise I will love you the way you deserve, and spend every day trying to be worthy of you.”
I stare at him in utter shock, swearing this can’t be real right now. “I thought you didn’t believe in love?”
His sincere gaze never wavers from mine. “Yeah, well some redheaded country girl may have changed my mind.”
“May have?” I ask with a smile as I swipe at my wet cheeks.
