Page 76 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
“What?” I ask innocently, but can’t seem to wipe the big smile off my face.
“You know what.”
“Can’t I be excited about how talented you are?” He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at the compliment.
“I wish I tould sing. I tan’t even talk pwopewly,” Ruthie says, but she doesn’t really sound all that disappointed about it.
Cade nudges her shoulder. “Don’t worry, kid, I can’t sing worth a sh… crap either.”
She smiles at him and throws an arm around his neck. “I know. We awe a wot awike, big guy!”
I smother a laugh when he quirks a brow at her. They are nothing alike—Ruthie is full of life, out-going, always optimistic and full of smiles while Cade is… well, the complete opposite, but still just as special.
“You have your own special gifts too,” I say, not wanting her to think she isn’t talented because she doesn’t have the same gift as Christopher. “And if you want to learn how to play a musical instrument, when the church fully opens you can enroll in my class and be my first student… next to Christopher,” I add the not so subtle hint and smile over at him.
“She isn’t going anywhere near that place.”
My eyes snap to Cade’s in surprise at his sudden, hard tone. “What are you talking about? Of course she will be going there. She starts Sunday school soon.”
Alarm briefly flashes in his eyes before they glaze over with icy disdain. “Like hell she is.” The room becomes utterly silent and my gaze narrows angrily at him, not appreciating his tone with me.
Christopher clears his throat, breaking the silence. “Come on, Ruthie, say goodnight and I’ll read you a story.”
She hesitates, looking between Cade and me. I break our glare and smile at her reassuringly. Standing up, I pick her up off his lap and give her a hug, hoping she doesn’t notice my body vibrating in anger. “Goodnight, sweet girl, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night, Faif,” she replies with a whisper.
I hand her back to Cade then head upstairs and out the back door, needing the fresh air to calm my angry heart. I hear the back door swing open a long minute later, and instantly know it’s Cade by the way my body responds just from his presence.
Stupid, traitorous body.
I turn around to see him looking angry and determined. “I mean it, Faith, she isn’t going anywhere near that fucking place.”
I take a deep breath and try to rein in my temper, “First off, Cade, watch the way you talk to me or this is going to turn ugly really fast. Secondly, yes she is going there. This is a good place for her to meet other children and learn about the good things life has to offer…”
“There is nothing fucking good about any of it,” he shouts. “It’s complete bullshit and I’m not going to let you force this shit on her.”
“I am not forcing anything on her, she wants to go. And it may be bullshit to you, Cade, but it isn’t to me.” I watch his jaw flex in anger and swear I can hear his teeth grind. “Listen, I know this must be hard for you because of what happened to your sister, but you have to know…”
“Watch it, Faith! You don’t know anything about it, so don’t fucking talk about her—not ever!”
I stare back at him as he watches me, completely consumed with fury, and try to swallow past the hurt clogging my throat. “Fine. Then I’ll say this. God is a big part of my life and I am Ruthie’s legal guardian, which means this is my decision and…”
“You know, let’s talk about that for a second. I’d like to know how the fuck you could still believe in any of that bullshit. After everything that’s happened you should know better by now.”
“What do you mean?” I ask in a shaky whisper, even though I know exactly what he’s saying.
He takes a step closer to me and I retreat back, my stomach clenching in dread as I watch his expression turn savage. He grabs my upper arm firmly, but not painfully. “What I mean is, I want to know how the fuck you can still wear this?” he spits out, grabbing the big, heavy cross that’s lying against my chest. “I want to know how the fuck you can still believe in God after what happened to you. Huh? Where the fuck was your God when those assholes were forcing their dicks inside of you!”
His cruel, vulgar words strike me so painfully that I feel it all the way to my soul. His furious expression blurs in front of my face as tears sting my eyes. “He sent me you,” I choke out truthfully.
He rears back as if I just slapped him. “Jesus christ, you really fucking believe that, don’t you?”
“With all of my heart.” Ripping my arm out of his firm grasp, I stand up straighter and try to keep him in focus as tears stream down my cheeks. “I thank God every day that I met you, and that I got the chance to know what it felt like to be touched in a way that made me feel beautiful, before I had my body stolen from me.”
My breath hitches as I fight to hold in my pain and I watch an array of turbulent emotions splash across his face. “Without my faith in God, I don’t think I would have survived what happened to me there. They stole so much from me but I did not let them steal my faith, not even when they held a knife to my throat. And I will not give it up for anyone—not even you.”
As the first sob whispers past my throat, I push past him and race into the house, before I completely lose it in front of him.
Crawling into bed, I curl into myself and let my tears flow into my pillow. My heart breaking, not only for me, but also for him. The hope I had for some kind of future with Cade begins to fade and causes another wave of pain to slice through my chest. I would do almost anything for him, but I meant what I said, I will not give up God for anyone, not ever.
