Page 119 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
There is no one better who walks this earth than this girl right here. “I know you will, Red. He’s lucky to have you and so is Ruthie.”
Tears start spilling down her cheeks and her breath hitches. “You have me too, if you want me.”
I clench my teeth against the burning pain in my throat and shake my head. “I don’t deserve you.”
A quiet sob escapes her, cracking my tortured heart in half. Not being able to hold back a second longer, I move beside her on the bed and press my lips to hers gently, not wanting to hurt her. But my caution goes out the fucking window when she threads her fingers in my hair and pulls me harder against her mouth. My restraint snaps and I kiss her like I’ve been aching to since the night she left me at the gym. I swallow her sobs, taste her tears and greedily take every ounce of sweetness that pours from her, even though I deserve none of it. But it’s something that I can’t live without; she is someone I can’t live without. With that thought, I pull back and rest my forehead on hers gently. “Listen, baby. Sawyer and Grace are going to stay with you and the kids for a while at the house.”
Alarm sparks in her emerald eyes. “Why? Where are you going?”
“There’s something I need to go take care of, Red.”
“Right now?”
“Yeah, I leave tonight actually.”
“For how long?”
“I’m not exactly sure.”
More tears to rush down her face. “Are you coming back?” The fear and pain in her voice makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit, but I know I have to do this and it can’t wait, not any more.
“Yeah, Red, I’m coming back.”
“Sawyer and Grace don’t have to stay with us. We will be okay on our own, or I’m sure we could stay with my parents until the house is cleaned up.”
I shake my head. “The house has been taken care of, and it’s ready for when you guys get there, but he’s staying with you, Red. I need to know you guys are safe while I’m gone.” When she doesn’t respond, and looks even more upset, I cup the side of her neck, right under her jaw, and keep my lips close to hers. “Please, baby.”
Her expression softens and she nods. I kiss her softly and her delicate hands frame my face. “I love you, Cade Walker, and I’ll be waiting for you. Please don’t make me wait long.”
I close my eyes, not knowing how the fuck she can still say that to me after everything I’ve done to her, but I’ll make it up to her. I’m going to fucking fix this or die trying.
CHAPTER 37
Cade
My chest constricts like a motherfucker as I stand at the long cement pathway that leads to a place I have never been to, but one I should have visited a long time ago. I never went to the funeral or the burial for two reasons: one—because my bitch of a mother had it in a church despite the circumstances surrounding my sister’s death, and two—because just the thought of watching her small, innocent body get lowered in the ground fucking hurt enough to kill me. And from what I’m feeling right now it still might.
Knowing I can’t prolong this moment any longer, I start my way down the paved path and ignore all the headstones I pass, looking for only one. As I follow the directions Evans gave me, images of the sweet face I have pushed away for so long start to emerge, and with it comes excruciating pain. The way her big, innocent, brown eyes watched me with trust, and loved me for reasons I will never understand. The way her tiny body fit in my arms when she was scared or sad and needed someone to hold her. She was a little girl who had the kindest heart and didn’t deserve to be ripped away from the world in the vilest way.
By the time I reach her headstone, I can barely read the script through my blurred vision:
In Loving Memory
Of
Mia Elle Walker
1995 – 2002
May you rest peacefully in
God’s loving arms.
“Do you think I’m a good enough girl to go to heaven when I die?”
I grind my teeth and try to breathe through the fucking ache in my chest at the soft, tiny voice echoing in my head. Images of her small body, bloody and violated, make its way to the surface next.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry, Cade, he said he’d kill you if I ever told.”
The guilt is what finishes me and shreds any measure of control I’ve managed until this point. My legs give out and I fall to my knees in agony, my forehead dropping on the headstone. “I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry I wasn’t there,” I mumble weakly, my words barely making it past the excruciating burn in my throat. “I’m sorry that I didn’t make it in time, and that I didn’t know sooner. I should have protected you.” I continue to apologize; the emotion flowing through my body is so goddamn painful it feels like it’s going to kill me.
I sit for a long time, and wait for the pain to ease, but it never does. I don’t know how much time has passed, but by the setting sun I know it’s been a while. Everything is calm and quiet as I rest against the headstone behind me, and stare up at the orange Colorado sky.
“I love you, Cade.”
“I love you too, kid.”
As soon as the words repeat in my head, a sudden gust of wind comes out of nowhere and something grazes my hand. I look down and my heart completely stops. “What the ever-holy-fuck?” I mumble, as I stare in utter shock at the thick, white ribbon lying across my hand, the same fucking one I’d swear I’ve seen before. I jump up quickly and scan the graveyard, but find no one.
