Page 41 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
We continue with lunch and don’t talk about Cade or Iraq again. We discuss details of Kayla’s upcoming wedding, and everyone makes sure to include me. Feeling the weight of Katelyn’s stare, I turn to see her watching me with a soft smile. Reaching under the table, she grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. I smile back, and as we all laugh over Kayla’s witty comments, I realize that the five of us are going to become very good friends.
*
That night, after hanging up the phone from my mom, I’m just about to head upstairs to get ready for bed when there is a knock at my door. I glance at the kitchen clock and wonder who would be coming by this late. Walking over, I look out the peephole to see it’s Sawyer. What the heck? I quickly unlock the door and open it.
“Sawyer, hi,” I greet in surprise.
“Hey, Country. I hope it’s not too late.”
“No, not at all,” I lie, not wanting him to feel bad. I guess it isn’t really that late; I’m probably the only single twenty-four-year-old who goes to bed at nine thirty.
“I was hoping I could talk to you for a few minutes before I went and picked up Grace from the bakery.”
“Oh, sure.” I wrap my cardigan around me and step out onto the porch, deciding to talk out here since it’s such a nice night out. “Can I get you something to drink? A water or juice?” I smile when I think about how weird that sounds. “Sorry, I haven’t been to the liquor store yet.”
He grins back. “It’s fine. And no, I’m good.”
I nod and things go uncomfortably quiet while I wait for him to start. Letting out a deep breath, he runs his fingers through his hair, and I start to get nervous for what he’s going to say. “Grace told me about your guys’ conversation today at lunch.”
“Oh,” I say lamely, not knowing how else to reply.
I’m wondering if he’s upset I talked to her about it, but before I can ask or offer an apology he continues. “Look, I know this isn’t easy to talk about, and I probably should have come sooner to see you, but…” He trails off as he tries to find the right words. “I just want you to know I don’t blame you. Everything that happened, it wasn’t your fault.”
My heart immediately swells with guilt. “I appreciate you saying that, but we all know you guys wouldn’t have gotten hurt if you hadn’t come after me.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” He shrugs, “who knows what would have happened in the next mission we were supposed to go and do. That was part of our job; we walked in never knowing, but always fought like hell to come out alive. The difference with that mission is it’s one we chose on our own, and it’s a decision we won’t ever regret.”
I stare into his sincere gaze and ask the one question I’m terrified to hear the answer for. “Are you so sure that none of you regret it?”
My throat begins to burn and tears sting my eyes as I fight to hold back the emotions threatening to erupt. Sawyer tilts his head and watches me with confusion. “Yeah, I am. Why? Who the hell do you think regrets it?”
I don’t respond but I know he can see the answer in my eyes. He shakes his head, “Faith, no, he doesn’t.”
I desperately want to believe that but… “He refused to see me once we were transported to that hospital. He couldn’t even look me in the eye after, Sawyer.” My breath hitches as I struggle to hold in my pain. “If it’s not that then it’s because he can’t stand to look at me, knowing what they did to me, and I’m not sure which one is worse.” Not being able to stop it, the last of my words choke off on a small sob.
“Fuck!” he curses angrily, then surprises me by pulling me into him and giving me a hug. After a stunned minute, I return his embrace, wanting him to know how sorry I am. “It isn’t any of those things, I fucking promise you that.”
When I don’t respond, he steps back and takes hold of my shoulders, looking me square in the eye. “Listen to me. I’ve known him almost my whole life. He’s gone through some really terrible shit and it’s fucked him up.”
“I know about his sister,” I whisper sadly, swiping at my cheeks.
He rears back in shock. “You know about Mia?”
“Yes,” I nod, “not much, but he told me about her one night when we were together in Iraq. He told me a minister hurt her.” Remembering that night and the pain on Cade’s expression is enough to have me blubbering all over again, but I manage to hold back since I’m embarrassed enough from losing it a second ago in front of him.
Sawyer stares at me in disbelief for a moment then shakes his head. “Holy shit. I can’t believe he told you.”
“I don’t think he meant to. Unfortunately, it turned into quite the argument. Clearly, my feelings on God and my father being a pastor are different than his.”
“It wasn’t a minister who killed his sister.”
“What?” I say in shock, “But he…”
“It was some sick asshole who his mother shacked up with. The guy ran a polygamy commune and swore he was one of God’s prophets.”
“Oh my gosh,” I whisper, not having any other words.
“He called himself a minister, but we both know that anyone who is a true man of God wouldn’t do that shit. But that is something you won’t ever convince Cade of; believe me I have tried. That’s what I’m saying, Country. He’s fucked in the head; his logic is different than ours. You can’t take to heart the stupid shit he does.”
“I know his logic is different, but he’s a good person,” I whisper truthfully, feeling the need to stand up for him.
