Page 72 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
Knowing Christopher will be here soon to start his first shift, I quickly hop into the shower. And while the steaming, hot water pounds down on my tired body, I think about the last few days.
The restraining order went into effect quickly like Cooper promised, and both of the assholes were served yesterday. There has been no sign of them since the park but I still don’t fucking trust it, and I’m hoping for their sakes that they follow the goddamn order or else I will not hesitate to take shit into my own hands.
I could have left Faith’s last night but I didn’t. Again I spent another night on her couch, only a few feet away from her bedroom with my dick hard and aching for her. But it went limp quick when the kid came and crawled in with me again. Even though I keep telling her there is not enough room for the two of us on that fucking couch, she doesn’t seem to care and insists she is small enough.
I know I shouldn’t spend another night there again. Things are starting to get too intense, too real. The more time I spend with them, the more the kid is getting attached and, if I was being honest, I’m starting to dig her too. Which is not good, but the thought of leaving there—of leaving Red… Shaking my head, I turn off the shower then walk over to my locker.
Jaxson walks in just as I start getting dressed. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Benson’s doing pretty good. I thought he was going to hand you your ass there for a minute.”
I grunt, knowing he’s fucking with me. Which is confirmed when I look up to see him smirking in amusement. Benson is good, but not that good.
“So how are things at Faith’s, all is quiet?” he asks, leaning a shoulder against the lockers.
“So far.”
There’s a moment of silence before he says, “You know we have your back if you need us, right? Evans and me—we will follow you if you need to take matters into your own hands.”
I nod, knowing they do have my back; they always have, which is exactly how they ended up spending a week in hell with me. It’s something I still feel like shit about and probably will never forgive myself for.
“Thanks, but I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that.”
He nods and is just about to leave when I call out to stop him. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
He turns, and must be able to see something in my expression because he walks over to sit on the long, wooden bench in front of me. “Sure, what’s up?”
I grab the back of my neck, not sure how to ask him what I want to ask. He waits patiently, clearly reading my discomfort. Sitting at the other end of the bench I look ahead at my locker, instead of him. “What changed your mind?”
“What do you mean?” he asks, confused.
Clearing my throat, I rub my hands on my thighs nervously, feeling like a fucking pussy. I do not like talking about shit, not with anyone, but if anybody knows what I’m feeling it’s Jaxson. I glance over at him. “I mean with Julia. What made you change your mind about finally giving in to what you wanted with her?”
Realization dawns in his expression, knowing where I’m going with this. “Honestly, it was a bunch of things I guess,” he shrugs, probably feeling just as uncomfortable as me. “My problem, for the longest time, was thinking I wasn’t good enough for her, and the truth of the matter is I still don’t, and I know I never will be. But I also know that no one will love her more than I do, and no one will protect her like I will. Fuck if I can tell you why she loves me, but I won’t be an idiot anymore and not accept it. So I just try like hell every day to be worthy of it.” Silence surrounds us while I think about his answer. “Listen, I’m not one to pry, you know that. That’s fucking Evans’ thing.” I grunt in agreement. “But if this is about Faith, which I think it is, then take it from me, Walker. The longer you keep resisting, the more time you are wasting. Time that you can’t get back and time for someone else to step in.”
I drop my head in my hands and grind my teeth. The thought of her with anyone else makes my stomach roll and my blood boil. I think about Doctor fucking sissy and picture him touching her, kissing her, stepping in to help with the kids… I quickly shake myself from my thoughts as violence rushes through me.
Keeping my head in my hands I look over at him. “And what about doing the right thing?”
“Who says it’s wrong?”
I hold his stare and decide to tell him what I’m most worried about. “You saw what I’m capable of, you saw what I did to them. That’s something I’ve always had hidden in me, and something that I don’t always have control over, if I get pushed to the breaking point.” It’s the first time I’ve told this to someone other than Red.
He ponders my admission, his eyes narrowing in question. “What, are you talking about what you did to those fuckers in Iraq?” My response is silence. He shakes his head, “Don’t kid yourself, Walker; Evans and I have that in us too. We all do, and you better fucking believe it would have been one of us to gut those motherfuckers if Faith would have been Julia or Grace. Jesus, I don’t want to even think about what I would have been capable of if our positions were reversed. But that shit we have inside of us—it’s also what made us good at what we did, and you have more control over it than you think you do. I know this because I know you. I’ve seen you at your worst, man, I’ve seen you at your best and I’ve seen you everywhere in between. I fucking trust no one with my kid and I mean no one, but I would trust you and Evans with her.”
