Page 77 of Resisting Temptation (Men of Honor 3)
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Hours later I look over at the clock to see it’s three am and realize I’m not going to get any sleep. My heart is too heavy and my head pounds fiercely from crying for the past six hours.
Getting up, I grab my long, thin cardigan and throw it over my white, cotton, baby doll nightgown then make my way downstairs to get some aspirin. Once I make my way downstairs, I see that Cade isn’t on the couch and realize he must have left.
I swallow back the fresh wave of tears that thought brings and head into the kitchen. When I notice the back light is still on I walk over to turn it off, and stop mid-stride when I see Cade sitting on the steps, with his head in his hands and his back to me. Oh my god. Has he been out there this whole time?
My pain deepens at how lost and alone he looks. Opening the door, I fold my sweater around myself when the small chill in the air hits me and walk across the patio to him.
“Cade.” I softly say his name as I place my hand on his back. I feel him tense under me but he doesn’t look up. I walk around to stand in front of him. “Are you all right? Have you been out here this entire time?”
Again he doesn’t answer me and I quickly realize he isn’t going to. Letting out a resigned sigh, I turn to walk away then gasp when he grabs the back of my bare thighs under my nightgown and pulls me between his legs. He buries his face against my stomach, and the feel of his cold body confirms he has been out here this whole time. “I’m sorry, baby. So fucking sorry for what I said to you.”
My heart shatters at the turmoil in his voice, it doesn’t even sound like him. Before I can respond, his grip tightens on the back of my thighs and I gasp again when I’m lifted off my feet. In a swift easy move I’m suddenly straddling him, with his forehead resting on my shoulder as he keeps his face hidden from me.
After a stunned second, I wrap my arms around his neck. I hold him for a while then lean back to look at him, but he keeps his head buried in my shoulder. “Cade, please look at me,” I plead softly.
He hesitates for a long moment before he finally lifts his face to mine. I suck in a sharp breath at his tortured expression. Seeing his guilt, despair and self-hatred completely breaks my heart.
“Oh, Cade,” I choke out quietly, my own throat clogging with tears again. It kills me to see him like this, especially since he never allows himself to show any emotion.
I cup his forlorn face in my hands and his eyes fall closed to hide his pain. His breathing turns heavy as he holds in his despair. I lean in and rest the side of my face against his, bringing my lips close to his ear. “It will be okay, I promise. I know this is hard for you, but you have to know I would never put her in danger.”
“I know you wouldn’t on purpose, it’s just…” I feel him shake his head. “This is something we will never agree on. I just can’t, Red, the whole subject makes me fucking crazy.”
“We don’t have to agree on everything, but we have to respect each other about it.”
“I know. I didn’t mean to hurt you, baby. I’m just so fucked-up, I can’t think straight when it comes to that shit.”
The torment in his voice becomes more apparent and my heart aches for how much he still hurts. “I would do almost anything for you, Cade. You mean so much to me, more than I can ever tell you, but my faith in God is the one thing I won’t give up… I’m sorry but I just can’t.”
“You don’t have to, Red. Especially for a fucked-up asshole like me.”
“Don’t say that about yourself,” I gently scold, hating the way he thinks about himself. “You’re hurting and that’s okay. There is nothing screwed up about that.”
He lets out a disbelieving breath and shakes his head again. “I don’t deserve you, not any part of you,” he rasps, turning his face into my neck. My breathing speeds up as his big, rough hands inch higher on my bare thighs until his fingers possessively grip my lace-covered hips. I become intimately aware of our position, as my nightgown now sits bunched at my waist. “But I can’t stay away. I need to be near you, all the fucking time, Red, or I feel like I can’t breathe.”
To hear he needs me, as desperately as I need him, has something beautiful embracing my soul. “I don’t want you to stay away, I need you just as badly, Cade. I’ve…”
He cuts off my words by taking my mouth in a powerful, searing kiss. Our groans mingle in the air as we let go of our pain, and let passion consume us. I whimper as his familiar erotic taste floods my senses; it’s dark and sinful, yet beautiful. Just like the man himself.
He rips his mouth away and I take in much needed oxygen while his warm, firm lips travel down the column of my throat. A minor ache ignites between my legs, one that only he is capable of bringing me, and I hold on to it with desperation, not wanting anything to stop this moment from happening.
My sweater slips partway down my shoulder and his greedy lips pass over the smooth skin before making their way down and across the swell of my breasts. He pulls back just a little and I feel his finger trace across what I know is Aadil’s name.
I close my eyes, my heart feeling a little too raw at the moment to deal with it. Cade senses it and, after placing a soft kiss on the black script, he continues his path. I feel him slow down, treading cautiously, the lower his mouth gets.
