Page 39 of Dearest Protector

A big part of me wanted to bury that painful time of my life, but it was also therapeutic to have someone who listened and concerned himself with my recovery like it was his own.

Ben never judged or made fun of my irrational fears of hospitals.

In fact, my long discussions with him about it made me feel almost…normal.

His constant presence at any appointment or diagnostic procedure was slightly uncomfortable at first, but I’d come to depend on him lending me some of his strength when I had none myself.

Having someone with me who cared when I had to go to the hospital for diagnostics and appointments had been the only thing that had propelled me through that damn hospital door.

My counselor had helped me talk through some of my fear, and I practiced my yoga and meditation every day.

But holy hell, every relaxation technique I’d tried flew out the window the second I saw that damn hospital.

Maybe Ben’s extreme bossiness and tenaciousness should have irritated me, but it didn’t.

The fact that he cared about me, worried about me, pretty much made up for his overprotective behavior.

Honestly, I was grateful that I was never alone.

Most likely, if I’d gottenanytime alone during those appointments, my ass would have fled those medical facilities like it was on fire.

Yeah, it felt weird to have a constant, comforting presence beside me after fighting so many healthcare battles on my own, but it also felt good to know that Ben wasalwaysthere for me.

Luckily, there was no infection to the bones in my foot, but the hardware had to come out because it was constantly irritating my tendon.

I still had over a week of freedom before I’d have to go under the knife again, thank God.

My fear of surgery was still highly irrational, but I was pretty sure I could get through it now because I’d have Ben and Katie there beside me this time.

“This is so amazing,” I told Ben with a sigh as we relaxed in his hot tub after dinner. I’d just gotten my surgery date in the afternoon, but I wasn’t sweating that information nearly as much as I would have been if I’d gotten the news alone. “I can’t believe you didn’t use it every single night in the winter.”

I’d lost my discomfort about leaving my feet bare whenever he was around. Probably because he’d insisted that there were no socks allowed in his house unless my feet were actually cold.

I’d known that he was trying to get me used to not focusing on my foot and not seeing it as something ugly.

Strangely, his tactics had worked. The constant exposure to that horrible looking extremity had forced me into acceptance.

Since I never saw a single sign that he found that foot offensive, I wasn’t self-conscious anymore.

My body had filled out a lot because I’d been eating better, so I even thought that I looked okay in my black one-piece bathing suit.

Maybe I didn’t fill the garment out like some big breasted, gorgeous females would, but I was slowly starting to be okay with the way I looked.

Granted, it had been difficult not to drool at Ben’s muscular bare chest and torso when he’d walked outside in swim trunks earlier. I really wanted to fondle those six-pack abs of his, but knowing he didn’t want more than a close friendship helped me keep my hands to myself.

For me, the longing to be closer to Ben hadn’t faded over time. If anything, I yearned for it even more than I had before.

We had a tighter physical relationship because Ben comforted me whenever I got scared. He touched me sometimes, and he even held me in a calming embrace when I needed him. But that didn’t mean he wanted carnal knowledge of my body.

Dammit!

The relentless desire to touch him, be even closer to him, was practically killing me.

Even in the dim light of his massive patio, just looking at him made me want to crawl inside him.

“I really never thought about taking the time to get into the hot tub before,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. “There were always other things to get done when I was home.”

I rolled my eyes. His sudden motivation to try out the massive hot tub had been all about me and my curiosity.

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