Page 83 of Dearest Protector

I stood up so fast that I nearly knocked the lounger on its side.

I picked up my empty coffee mug as I said, “I think I’d really like to gather my things and go back to the condo right now. I need some space to think.”

I was barely keeping it together at the moment, and if I sat here for another moment, I’d turn into a hot mess that couldn’t stop bawling like a child.

My hands were shaking, and I nearly dropped the ceramic mug I was holding as I turned toward the patio door.

Ben shot out of his seat and reached for my arm. “Ariel,” he said, his voice raw with what sounded like emotional pain.

Don’t do it, Ariel!

Don’t turn to him like you always do!

He’s not the guy you think you know!

You need to escape!

“Don’t!” I said as I stepped forward. “I can’t do this, Ben. Not right now. I have to think this through.”

He couldn’t have looked more crestfallen if I’d slapped him in the face.

I wanted to fall into his arms and forgive him, but I was too confused, too stunned because I’d just realized I was in love with a man I might not really know at all.

He dropped his arm to his side, his expression harsh with regret as he answered, “Take all the time you need. You know where I’ll be. Right here waiting for you if you decide you want to come back. I’m not going anywhere, and I sure as fuck will never even look at another woman when the only one that I really want is you.”

I shook my head, tears flowing down my cheeks as I replied as honestly as I could. “I don’t know what I want right now. I’m confused. I thought we had something real, and now I don’t know what to think. The Ben I thought I knew wouldn’t keep this big of a secret from me.”

His eyes darkened as he rasped, “It was all real, Ariel. This is the only thing I’ve ever lied to you about, and if I had to do it all over again, I’d probably do the same thing. There’s no way I could take that chance of you turning me down flat on the job offer when you were desperate. The only thing I’d change is how long it took for me to tell you the truth. After what happened with Leland Brock, my primary concern was keeping you safe when you were vulnerable. Hell, that’s probablyalwaysgoing to be my main concern. I’m fucking obsessed with your well-being and your happiness. Always will be.”

I choked back a sob.

I couldn’t allow myself to become a blubbering mess right now.

I needed time.

I needed to think.

I couldn’t do that while my damn heart was breaking because Ben looked so troubled and devastated.

I didn’t know what was real and what was artificial anymore.

I hated myself because I still ached for him, and it took everything I had not to reach for him because that’s what I’d always done.

I’d been leaning on him and his strength for far too long.

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you an answer right now,” I told him. “I’m not sure what that answer is myself.”

Like it or not, I could never hate Ben Blackwood. He’d been much too instrumental in helping me change my life, and he’d been way too kind.

Whether all of that was an act or not, hehadbeen there when I’d needed him.

He shrugged, but his eyes were tormented as he answered, “I can wait. If you need to talk about it, or if you need anything, you know where to find me. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere, Ariel.”

I nodded jerkily because I couldn’t speak.

Gathering every bit of strength I had, I turned and walked back into the house.

I really need space. I really need space.

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