Page 29 of Dearest Protector

Fuck!How could I deny the fact that I’d completely lost my mind when I’d seen Ariel for the first time? And how was I supposed to explain why I’d left her if I’d already suspected that she was special?

I couldn’t express in words how much I really hated myself because I’d left her when she’d needed someone who cared the most.

I nodded slowly as I chewed and swallowed the last of my sandwich. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t like it. But yeah, she’s the one woman who can make me lose every rational thought in my brain without even trying. It would be a hell of a lot easier if Icouldjust be her friend and maybe her protector. I’m trying, Ian, but I can’t fucking do it. Being close to her makes me completely insane.”

He grinned. “Give it up. You can try all you want, but it will never work. If you keep attempting to rationalize the way you feel, it will drive you crazy.”

Christ! Like I didn’t already know that?

I really wanted to talk to my older brother.

I wanted to tell him what happened.

This whole situation with Ariel had been eating me alive, and I wasn’t sure what the hell to do.

Truthfully, I was winging this friendship with her, when I wanted something completely different.

Problem was, if I pushed too hard, too fast, I was worried that I’d screw up the second chance I’d been given to make things right with her—if that was even possible.

“I never expected to see Ariel here in Florida,” I explained. “Or to get another chance to get to know her. And I had no fucking idea that I could feel this way aboutanyfemale. I can’t fuck this up, Ian. I’ve been thinking about her for months now, and it’s been driving me completely insane.”

“Months? You just met her a few weeks ago at Mom’s birthday ball, right?” Ian questioned, his voice puzzled.

“It’s kind of a long story,” I said reluctantly.

Maybe this wasn’t something we should discuss while we were in the office.

Now probably wasn’t the time to spill my guts.

We both had things we needed to get done before the end of the day, and I wasn’t sure I could even explain what had happened months ago.

Ian rose, walked to my office door, called out to my secretary that we weren’t to be interrupted, and then firmly closed the door behind him.

Once he was seated comfortably again in his chair, he insisted, “Tell me, Ben. Nothing is more important right now than this situation. Fuck the business stuff for a while. I have a feeling this is more important than anything else to you, and you’ve never had anyone there to listen. Right now, I’m just your older brother ready to listen to whatever is bothering you.”

I swallowed hard. It had been a long time since I’d put anything before Blackwood or my family, and it had been even longer since I’d had an older brother to talk to about anything.

Jesus!I’d missed Ian.

I’d really missed the close relationship we’d had when we were younger.

We’d been slowly rebuilding that trust and that comradery again, and I was grateful every single day that I had my older brother back again.

Sure, he could end up repeating whatever I said to Katie, but I was positive that he wouldn’t.

Ian would keep my confidence unless it was absolutely necessary to spill my personal shit or until I decided to tell Katie myself.

He had the same sense of family and loyalty that I did. We were both raised that way.

Ian folded his arms across his chest as he waited.

“I fucked up pretty badly,” I cautioned him.

“Yeah, well,” he started drily. “I’m not exactly one to judge other people about their mistakes. I’ve made way too many of my own. Shoot.”

If I couldn’t trust my own brother, who could I trust?

Relieved that I could finally talk about it, I took a deep breath and told Ianeverything…

---