Page 56 of Dearest Protector

I opened my mouth to remind him that being happy wasn’t my only concern. That I had to make enough money to eat and pay my bills long-term, but I closed my mouth again without speaking those words.

My workwouldpay for all of my bills and more very soon if I stayed on the same trajectory.

Maybe my problem was that I was never taught that my personal happiness really mattered, but Ben was right. Itdidmean something.

I’d spent my entire life trying to be more, do more, reach for more.

Happiness had never really been part of the equation for me.

I wasn’t supposed to be happy.

I was supposed to be successful as a dancer.

All my life, I’d put everything else aside to reach the top of that never-ending ladder of success one rung at a time.

I’d never really thought about what would happen after that because there was no end to the rungs I could climb in my former career.

I’d reached a certain platform by being a principal dancer in Swan Lake in New York, but there would have been other mountains to conquer after that.

Nowhere in my schedule had there ever been time to be happy, even when I’d reached a goal.

“I’m not sure I even knew what real happiness was before,” I mused, sharing my thoughts with Ben.

His brows furrowed as we arrived on his patio.

He pulled out a chair at the table and motioned for me to sit as he requested, “Explain that.”

I smiled as I watched him grab us both a water from his outdoor fridge before he sat down next to me.

Ben knew about most of my past and my childhood. He knew about my mother and her constant criticism.

He listened now as I tried to explain my currently jumbled thoughts. I tried to sort them out as I told him what I’d been thinking.

“I had absolutely no balance in my life,” I finished after telling him everything I’d been thinking about on our way back to his house. “Do you understand?”

He frowned. “I get it,” he confirmed. “And I think you already know how unhealthy that was. You had no childhood, Ariel. No young adult or new adult life. Just work and that constant pressure to be more and do more. Maybe I have no room to talk since I let myself get caught up with work after Ian’s accident, but I had a great childhood and early adult life. And now that Ian is back, I’m slowly learning to relax a little more, especially now that I have you in my life. Now, I want to be someplace other than work all the time.”

My heart squeezed until I was almost breathless.

It was hard to believe that I was Ben’s motivation to slow down and enjoy life a little more, but I’d happily accept what I considered a major compliment.

I shrugged. “Maybe we both deserve a little more balance. Maybe we both deserve to be…happy. I nearly died, Ben, and the only thing I could have said about my life was that I’d danced the principal role in Swan Lake. I’m not saying that wasn’t a great achievement, but other than Katie, there was no one in my life who would have actually missed me if I had died on that pavement that day.”

It was a sobering thought, and one I’d never really considered.

For the first time in my life, reaching the pinnacle of work success wasn’t my priority anymore.

Yeah, I had to meet my financial obligations, but I wanted so much more than that now.

“Don’t say that,” Ben growled.

“It’s true,” I argued as a tear rolled down my cheek. “But I plan on changing that. I want to enjoy life. I want to learn to live in the moment. I want to know more people who will genuinely care about me, and I want to give that caring back to them. After nearly losing my life, it’s not enough for me to live on ambition anymore. I’ve been without family and people who care about me for a long time.”

Ben scooted his chair right up next to me, wrapped a strong arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his strong form as he said huskily, “I once told Katie that you can make your own family and that blood wasn’t everything. I meant that. I’m lucky. I have an amazing mother and older brother, but I also have Katie now, who’s like a little sister to me. Blood doesn’t always love you back, but you can choose your own family. You don’t just have Katie anymore, Ariel. For what it’s worth, you also have me.”

Every lonely moment of my life suddenly hit me as I let my tears soak his shirt.

I’d loved my mother because she’d been my parent, and as much as she was capable, maybe she had loved me, too. But it wasalwaysconditional,alwaysreliant on how well I could perform at ballet.

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