Page 82 of Dearest Protector

I wasn’t sure anymore.

I hadn’t even had time to process the fact that Ben was the mystery man at the scene of the accident.

The guy who was probably the reason I was still alive right now.

The man in my dreams that I’d never been able to figure out.

One thing I would have bet my life on was the fact that Ben would never lie to me or withhold the truth on something this important.

Now I was questioning our entire relationship and wondering if I was a major fool.

“My accident was not your fault, Ben,” I said, wanting to make sure he knew that. “Maybe I don’t remember what happened after I was standing at that light, but I was extremely distracted. I was constantly stressed out about sticking to my schedule, and I was late. That afterparty was an obligation, and all I wanted was to get through it so I could go home and soak my sore feet. I was exhausted and running on the high I’d gotten from doing my first performance as a principal dancer. I was wired and anxious, which is why I did something that stupid. Any guilt you have is completely unwarranted.”

Maybe I was confused about a lot of things right now, but one thing was for certain, Benhadbeen there for me when I really needed him. He’d stayed to help save my life after I’d done something exceptionally foolish. He didn’t need to haul any guilt around about the accident itself.

“Do you really think I can easily accept that, Ariel? It was my fault. There hasn’t been a single day since it happened that I don’t think about that. If I hadn’t jumped that fucking curb—”

“Stop!” I insisted. “People jump curbs all the time. You didn’t push me off that damn curb. I did it. I walked in front of a taxi because I wasn’t paying attention. If you hadn’t been there, I also may have bled to death right there on that street. You did everything you could to save me, and you didn’t have to do it. I wanted to call you and thank you later, after I heard about the mystery man who had helped me, but the police hadn’t gotten your name, and I never did meet Chris. It’s highly possible that he was only there on the day of the accident. Erik was alone when he came to visit me after I regained consciousness. Those first days in the hospital are and always will be a blank to me because I was so medicated. Later, after you and I met at the ball in the most mortifying way possible, you helped me put my life back together, Ben. You gave me the support I needed to get me back on my feet again. I’ll always be grateful to you for everything you’ve done.”

“The thing I want isn’t your gratitude, Ariel,” Ben said in a graveled voice.

I shrugged. “Too bad, because you’ll always have it, whether you want it or not. You have no idea what it feels like to be free and to know that I can pay my bills. I have more money in the bank than I know what to do with, and more cash on the way. Money may not be everything, but it means a lot when you’ve been in a situation where you can’t even buy groceries. More importantly, the job you gave me got me out of a very bad situation with a horrible boss. I was finally able to breathe, which opened up a whole new world and career for me. That never would have happened for me if it wasn’t for your generosity and your friendship.”

“And are we still friends, Ariel?” Ben asked warily.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think right now, Ben. I don’t blame you for what happened. At all. But I never thought you could keep something like this from me. That wasn’t who we were as friends or as lovers. It makes me think everything was a lie, and that I was a fool.”

Maybe I’d only had less than two days as Ben’s lover, but that experience had rocked my entire world, and part of me still refused to believe that Ben had been playing me for some reason.

What we’d shared had felt so damn real to me.

Then again, I wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to dating and relationships.

People lied.

Hearts got broken.

Even after knowing that other person for years.

“Nothing else was ever a lie, Ariel,” Ben said, his tone raspy and insistent. “The way I feel about you was never some kind of joke. And it wasn’t the ballerina persona that drew me in when I saw you. It was something else. I can’t explain it, and it will probably never make sense. I still don’t know how I justknewthat you and I were somehow meant to be together, but I don’t waste my time trying to find a rational explanation anymore. There is no sensible reason, but my instincts were right. That’s really all that matters. Anything else I’ve ever said was the truth. At first, I didn’t want to tell you because you had so much on your plate, and I wanted to help you. I didn’t know if you’d ever accept a job from the guy who had caused you that much pain. I wasn’t sure how you’d react if I told you the truth. I needed you to take the damn job.”

“What prompted you to tell me now?”

Ben let out a huge breath before he said, “I had to, Ariel. I should have told you a long time ago. I could always think of a good excuse not to, but the honest truth is that I didn’t want to lose you. I want more than some kind of friends with benefits relationship, and to get there, I had to tell you the truth. It’s the only thing that I haven’t been honest about. I had to come clean and hope you’d forgive me. I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”

My heart skittered as I looked up and our eyes met.

He looked almost more broken than I felt right now, and I couldn’t stop my tears from falling like a river down my face.

God, he looked so sincere.

Then again, I’d always thought he was genuine. I thought he’d never look me in the eyes and tell me a lie or that he’d omit something this important to me.

Was I being an idiot?

I suddenly realized that I was head over heels in love with this man, and I wasn’t even sure if I couldtrusthim.

If I did, and he turned out to be a complete liar, it would totally destroy me.

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