Page 29 of Forget Me Not

“His loss,” Kade says, and I shrug. I know he’s right, but I’m also the one who was denied a father, so it kind of feels like my loss too. “Didn’t you also mention having a sister?” I internally curse myself for letting that information slip at the hospital. On the one hand, it’s nice to know he was listening to me enough to remember it. On the other hand, I hate that he remembers it.

“Yeah, I had a twin sister.” I pause, swallowing around my suddenly dry throat. “She passed away.”

“That must have been hard.”

My eyes snap toward his at the response. It’s refreshing. When you admit that someone close to you has died, the immediate response of most people is that they’re sorry. I’ve always hated that response. It’s to no fault of the people who say it, I understand that they’re just trying to be polite. But what do they have to be apologizing for? It’s not their fault that she died. Frankly, I don’t know who exactly to place the blame on when it comes to Lennox. Her? Myself? The cruel world we live in? Maybe a mixture of all three.

“Yeah, it was,” I answer Kade, the honest truth flowing from my lips.

“What was she like?” The question catches me off guard. Death makes people uncomfortable. It’s a universal truth. So, when the topic of someone dying comes up, most try to run away from it as quickly as possible. I don’t remember the last time I talked about Lennox or even a time that I wanted to. But with Kade’s eyes on me, urging me to share the piece of myself that has been missing for so long, the words easily find their way to the surface.

“She was the best person I knew.” I can’t help but smile as I think about her. Not about her death or what she went through at the end. But who she was before it all. “She was the opposite of me. Wild, carefree, a little bit insane.” I laugh. “She was the more outgoing of the two of us, constantly dragging me to new places and to meet new people. Pushing me out of my comfort zone. She was the crazy to my calm. We balanced each other out. She wasn’t just my twin, but my best friend too.”

“It sounds like she was a really good person.” He looks at me like he understands the inner turmoil I feel when it comes to Lennox. The feeling of losing someone in a way that’s so completely out of your control, but it feels like something you could’ve fixed at the same time. “You must really miss her.”

“Yeah, I do.” The answer feels bittersweet. I miss Lennox with all my being, and I would do just about anything to have her standing next to me right now. But it wouldn’t be the same. Because as much as I love her, there’s a part of me that hates her too. For being so thoughtless, so selfish. For the part of me that died when she did. “Anyway.” I clear my throat. “Your turn.” I nod my head toward where the cue ball sits.

Kade moves over to take his shot, not questioning my abrupt change of subject. He hits the solid ball into the side pocket and moves to take his second shot.

“Kayla told me you had a new girlfriend, but I didn’t believe her. Figured she was talking crazy again.”

“Sabrina,” Kaden says, moving to stand by me. I put the name to the face, realizing this is his ex’s best friend from the barbecue. She’s gorgeous, just like her friend. She’s taller than me, although she still looks short compared to Kade. Her dark-brown hair is shorter, barely hitting her shoulders and has purple streaks peeking their way through her messy waves. She has light-brown eyes that are currently scrutinizing me. Kade feathers his hand lightly across my lower back before placing it on my opposite hip. He gives it a gentle squeeze, the gesture calming some of my nerves that are threatening to eat me alive. “This is Logan.”

“Nice to meet you.” She nods her head toward me, her expression skeptical.

“Hey, I’m Trix,” the woman standing next to her says. She’s closer to my height, covered in tattoos with long, light-pink hair. She also has piercings in pretty much every part of both ears and has a ring on the side of her nose. “I work with Kade at Blackheart.”

“Nice to meet you both.” I smile at the two of them. All of the natural comfortableness I’ve felt being with Kade vanishes and I suddenly feel like a fraud. Putting on the performance of my life in order to make these two women believe that Kade and I are actually together.

It felt like we were a real couple all night long until the reminder of why I was on this date in the first place was directly in front of me. Now, I don’t know how to feel. Does their presence truly erase everything I felt tonight, along with everything he said? With them standing in front of us, it becomes difficult to decipher whether Kade’s touching me because he wants to or because he has to.

Sensing my discomfort, Kade moves farther behind me. He moves his arms around to cross over my stomach, pressing my back to his front. His thumb rubs featherlight circles around mylower stomach and my breath catches in my throat. I keep my face neutral, trying to mask the effect he has on me.

Having him this close brings me right back to where we stood in my kitchen only weeks ago. The ache for him to slide his hand lower now stronger than ever. My body feels on fire, the only cooler being the two women standing in front of us. Is this for them or solely me?

Kade lowers his head so that his lips are directly next to my ear. “Only you,” he whispers so softly I can barely make out the words. The same words he said to me the night this all began, but this time I think I’m starting to believe them. Suddenly the coolness is gone, the flames burn stronger, and I’m in desperate need of him to soothe them.

“You know Kayla won’t let him go that easily,” Sabrina says suddenly, snapping me out of my Kade-induced haze. “You’re the first person he’s been with seriously since her that she knows of. In her eyes, he’s still hers.” She doesn’t say the statement in a rude manner, just as if she’s stating facts. With Kade’s body pressed against mine and his words still fresh in my mind, a new sense of confidence washes over me.

“She can’t let go of what she’s already lost,” I say, conviction in my tone. “Kade is his own person and can make his own decisions. But from where I’m standing, he sure seems a lot more like mine.” Kade hugs me a little tighter toward him and I tilt my head up to see pride shining in his eyes. I’ve never felt the need for validation from a man, but I won’t lie and say getting it from him isn’t one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice low and gravelly. “I’m definitely all hers.” Our eyes stay locked on each other’s. A million unspoken sentiments passed between them. His eyes are easy to get lost in, making me forget we aren’t alone and that the words aren’t only for my ears.

The clearing of Sabrina’s throat forces me to pull my stare away from his. A wide smile spreads across Sabrina’s face and it confuses me for a moment. She must see the confusion on my face because she laughs.

“I’m happy for you, Kade.” She smiles at him. “You’re good for him,” she says to me, and even though her opinion means little to me, I still feel a sense of satisfaction that she feels so. “See you both around.” She loops her arm through Trix’s, who waves at us both before walking back the way they came from.

“You good?” Kade asks, spinning me around in his arms so I’m facing him. I tilt my head up at him and nod.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Good.” He brushes my hair behind my ear, his hand curving around my face to hold it. He looks at me like he wants to kiss me. I’m sure I’m looking at him like I’m begging to be kissed. But instead, he pulls away. He walks around the table back to where he was going to take his second shot. He leans over, sinking it into the pocket before looking up at me with a smirk on his face. “Can’t let you beat me twice.”

I smile at him. I couldn’t care less about the game right now. My mind wanders to how it felt to be in his arms, searching for ways to make it happen again. Kade makes me feel things I’ve never felt. I watch him walk around the table, leaning over to take his next shot. His muscles stretch against the fabric of his shirt, his eyebrow pinches in concentration, and I think I’m beginning to understand Kayla’s obsession. In fact, I think I may be starting to have my own.

Kade won the second game of pool. It was close, with me only one ball behind him, but he beat me fair and square. I found out he actually lives in the loft space above Blackheart Ink, which was right next to The Alley. So, I offered to get an Uber home considering it was way out of his way for him to drop me. He looked at me like I was ridiculous for even suggesting the option and proceeded to strap the helmet onto my head.

The ride home isn’t long, riding behind him feels more natural each time I do it. It feels as though the closer we get to my apartment, the more tension I feel about what will come next. Would we speak after this? Do we go on more fake dates? Does he want to go on a real date? Was this a real date? Not knowing what to expect has anxiety creeping over every inch of my body until I feel like I’m about to explode.

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