Page 63 of Forget Me Not

“Okay, thank you.” I slowly stand up from my bed as she walks away. It’s been a little over two weeks since the accident. Since the truth came out. Since everything. It’s been a slow two weeks. My broken ribs still bother me the most, and my arm is constantly itchy in the stupid cast on it, but other than that, my injuries are healing well. Honestly, I’m just impatient.

I walk out to the kitchen to see a small white box sitting on the counter. I pick up the folded note on top of it and look down at the box that I now realize holds the newest iPhone. I pick up the note, already having an idea of who the phone is from.

Lo,

A new phone, since it was my fault the last one got crushed. I’m sorry. The words seem so insignificant just written on a piece of paper like this but know that I truly mean them. Just know thatI’m here fighting for you, baby girl. Fighting for us. I’ll wait as long as it takes until you’re ready to talk to me. I’d wait a lifetime for you. Fuck that, I’d wait infinite lifetimes for you. Only you. I love you, baby girl.

Kade

The longer I stare at the note, the more I feel my chest crack wide open, my heart pounding out of it. I close my eyes, trying to imagine him in front of me. Trying to imagine his voice saying those words to my face. I know it’s my doing that he hasn’t.

The truth is, I miss him so much it hurts. I think I’ve even forgiven him. I understand why he would be scared to tell me. I still don’t know how to trust him again though. So, I avoid it and push him away. It’s my go-to. I don’t want to keep doing it, but I also don’t know how not to.

I slide the note into the pocket of my hoodie and grab the box, bringing it back with me to my room. I pull the phone out to see it fully charged. A picture of Kade and me from the night of the gala flashes on the lock screen, the same photo my previous phone had.

Theo had insisted on taking a picture of the two of us, even when I tried to tell him no. The picture on the screen is a candid one he took before either of us was smiling at the camera. I’m looking up at him while he looks down at me. Our eyes locked as if in that moment, the world around us didn’t exist outside of each other.

I unlock the phone and see it’s exactly like my old one. I click through the apps and the settings and see all my accounts are connected. If I had to guess, he had help from Demi getting all of my passwords. I open my texts and see dozens of missed onesfrom him. All asking how I am, if we can talk, if he can see me, telling me how sorry he is, how much he loves me.

I pull the note out of my pocket, looking back and forth between it and the messages. I let my fingers hover over the keyboard. I fight with myself over whether it’s a good idea to say anything and, if I do, what to even say. I stare at the phone until my fingers take over and start typing.

Me: Did you seriously buy me another phone just so you could make sure I’m getting your messages and then maybe I’d answer you?

Three dots pop up instantly to indicate he’s typing. I sit and wait as they disappear and reappear a handful of times.

Kade: No. You needed a new one, so I went and got it for you. I did hope you might answer me, but I never assumed. Although, it seems this master plan you created for me is working.

I smile down at the phone. It’s crazy how he has that ability. To say the most mundane things and still make me smile. He holds such a strong grip over my emotions, one that I allowed him to have, and it’s scary. Because as happy as he can make me, he also can make me feel like I’m drowning if he chooses to.

Even as I think it, I know the truth. I don’t think he ever would choose to. Lying to me about Lennox, I think in a screwed-up way, he was trying to protect me rather than hurt me. I’m sure he was protecting himself also, but Kade has never been selfish. I can’t imagine he didn’t take into account how I would feel. I can understand it was a shitty situation, and while I still think he should’ve told me as soon as he knew, I just thinkhe didn’t know how to not hurt me in telling me. So, he avoided it. And avoiding is definitely something I can understand.

Me: I don’t know exactly how ready I am to talk yet. I don’t think I know what I want to say. I’m trying though. I just wanted you to know that the accident, me getting hurt, that wasn’t your fault.

Kade: You were out there because of me. You were running because of me. You were distracted because of me. My actions led you there, Lo.

Me: That doesn’t matter. You weren’t responsible for me forgetting to pay attention. You weren’t responsible for the torrential rain obstructing the driver’s view. You weren’t responsible for her not stopping in time. It was an accident, and everyone is okay. Just please stop blaming yourself. Not for that, okay?

Kade: I’ll do my best. And, Lo?

Me: Yeah?

Kade: When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here. Waiting. I’d wait forever for you, baby girl.

I smile down at the message. I close the text thread and set it next to my bed just as a knock sounds out on my door. Demiopens it a few seconds later. She doesn’t come inside though. She just leans against the open doorway, a nervous look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her, and she fidgets against the doorway before deciding to come inside. She sits at the edge of my bed, facing me.

“I need to talk to you about something. You’re not going to like it, but it’s something you need to hear.”

“Okay.” I hesitate, concerned. “What is it?”

“Kaden told me what happened,” she says, and I nod at her. I’m not too shocked that she got the details that I wasn’t willing to share, from him.

“Do you want to forgive him?” she asks. I’m confused about where she’s going with this, but I answer her question anyway.

“I do. I think I already have.” I sigh. “I just don’t know how to trust him again.”

“That’s what I thought.” She blows out a breath of air she seems to have been holding in. “You don’t know how to trust anyone, Lo. You never have, and I don’t blame you.”

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