Page 80 of Knot My MC
I can’t.
I won’t.
Not tonight.
“No.” I give a hard shake of my head. “No,” I say again, biting into the garlic bread.
“Okay, Angel. Whenever you’re ready.” Knox reaches for the spoon, and as simple as that, they let it go. Relief crashes over me, and I focus on eating, pretending like my favorite meal doesn’t taste like ash on my tongue.
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
CROW
The guys and I do our best to keep the conversation light and flowing. Kiki is barely hanging on. She nods as we talk, but she’s not really here. I don’t think she’s working through what Knox told her either. Her expression is vacant. Numb, maybe. I try not to let my worry show and crack a few stupid jokes. Jag and Knox laugh and play along, but we’re really only focused on one thing.
“Should we watch a show? Maybe the dragon one?” I nudge Kiki with my elbow. “I know there’s incest and stuff, but I can’t wait to see which dragon wins.”
“Sure,” she says without a grin or a snarky comment. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
Pushing out her chair, Kiki stands and shuffles out of the room. I wait until the door closes before rounding on the guys. “What do we do?”
“We wait,” Knox says.
“Wait? She’s not okay.” I don’t want her to suffer in silence. We’re here for her.
“No, she’s not but you can’t force her to confide in us. She’ll let us know when she’s ready.”
That’s the thing though. I don’t think she will. I think she’ll bottle it up and try to keep that pain from us. I don’t want that. I should go check on her. No, no I shouldn’t. Knox is right. I can’t push my way into her grief. All I can do is be here for her, and whenever she’s ready, I’ll listen. The guys and I will find a way to deal with Axel, hopefully one that won’t cause a war between our clubs. Whatever she wants. Whatever it takes.
She doesn’t come back until the food is put up and Jag is finished rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. I push away from the counter and walk toward her, keeping my hands firmly by my side. I want to touch her.
Her eyes lift to meet mine. “Please don’t treat me like I’m fragile.” She toys with her necklace.
“I’m not. I don’t want to pressure you.”
“Don’t treat me differently because you’re worried. I don’t want that. Maybe I’m not ready to talk about… things right now, but I need those hugs, Crow. I need them more than anything in the world.”
My chest swells. I give damn good hugs, but only for her. I open my arms, and she rushes into them, molding her body to mine. She’s soft and warm, and my chest rumbles with approval when she snuggles even closer. Her vanilla scent invades my senses, only slightly tainted with her sadness. She’s doing a good job hiding it. I’ve never lost someone really close to me, but my brief meetings with death were hard as hell.
Even imagining losing her or one of my brothers makes my body tense and revolt. Nothing about this is easy. This isn’t something you move on from. No, death is something you learn to live with. There is no leaving it behind; it follows you like a lingering storm cloud and all you can do is figure out how to wade through the torrents of rain when they come.
Kiki isn’t fragile at all.
“I think it’ll be the little dragon. I always love an underdog,” I say instead of telling her all of those things.
She scoffs and lifts her head to glance at me. “That’s the worst theory you’ve ever come up with. The big one is literally the size of a castle.” Her blue eyes shine with the tears she’s holding back, but I ignore them.
“Maybe. Guess we should go find out, huh?” I side-eye Knox and Jag. “Bring some beer and popcorn.”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” Knox growls, but he reaches into the fridge all the same.
“Chill out, Prez, and while you’re at it, can you make that popcorn?” Jag asks. Knox flings a spatula at him, and Jag ducks, racing out of the kitchen with a laugh.
Kiki smiles a little. “I’ll make the popcorn.” She tries to escape, but I tighten my hold.
“You’re not going anywhere.” I reach down, placing my arm behind her knees and scooping her up bridal style.
“Crow!”
