Page 20 of Heat & Deceit
You’re not ugly. Not even close.
You’re not enough,another voice counters inside my head. But unlike Javier’s, this one is vicious.
I press my lips together and shove both memories into the back of my mind.
“I’m just stating facts here, Carm. It’s not my fault you were born a bodacious babe. Blame your mom.”
“I’ll remember to tell her that if I ever meet her.” Like me, my new persona never knew her mother, had a handful of dads who didn’t give a crap about her, and a brother who passed away years ago.
Kody was the only one who ever cared about me, and I’m still mad that some asshole gunned him down. I’m still mad at him for joining an MC, but I can’t really be that angry, because it was the only thing that saved us from living on the streets. The similarities between my life and Carmine’s are intentional. It’s easier to assume a fake identity when you’re not busy trying to remember an entire childhood. The fake sister I made up last night... Well, there’s only one person I have to lie to about her, so I’m not too worried about that slip.
“Oh, mommy issues? Same.” Randal sighs. “And daddy issues too, but I kind of like what it’s doing for me. There’s this guy I met online, and he doesn’t mind being called Daddy.”
I bite my lip to keep from laughing. Truthfully, I’m happy he’s changing the subject. It’s not that I don’t think I’m pretty. From my experience, being cute has never been a good thing.
Randal rambles about his date before coming full circle as I move to drying the dishes. “Speaking of daddies, Javi is so hot. I’m not even mad he’ll be managing the shop in the interim.”
“How long do you think he’ll be here?”
“Hi, welcome to Tranquility!” Randal shoves so much fake cheer into his voice that, this time, I do chuckle under my breath. “What can I get started for you?”
While he places the order, I finish putting things away and hop on the coffee machine, fixing the drinks while he cashes out customers. I open the door to the mini fridge and grab the milk, yelping when Randal’s hand swats my ass.
A chill slips down my spine, and my muscles go rigid, my entire body bracing for more. “Go ahead, smack her ass. She’ll take anything you can give.” Sickly sweet air tickles my nostrils, and a strong hand grabs my arm, pulling, tugging, taking.
The bell to the shop jingles as someone leaves, ripping me from the past and dropping me back into the present. The switch between realities is so jarring, I suck in a sharp breath and hold it. The espresso I’d been pulling is slowing to a drip. Only a matter of seconds have passed since Randal spanked me.
Relax, I tell my brain, urging my muscles to unlock.
You’re not at Twisters.
You’re at the coffee shop.
Carmine never worked for Curtis.
You’re not Nova. Not right now.
I count to two, holding my breath, then exhale, forcing my muscles to relax. I can’t afford an episode right now. Not after I was late and all the stuff with the accidental car crash.
I scowl at Randal as I stand. “No hands.”
“Sorry, babe. Those pants look so good on you.” He winks at me.
“No, I mean it, Randal. No hands.” The more we work together, the more playful he is. He’s always touchy-feely, and usually, I don’t mind it, but the unexpected nature of the spank reminds me too much of my past.
Something on my face must give him pause, because he stops smiling and nods in understanding. “Okay. I’m sorry.” He turns to prep the pastry order.
The door to the back room swings open, and Javier walks in on a storm cloud of anger. Every synapse in my body alerts me to the danger approaching. I shift slightly while I pour the milk, keeping him in my line of sight but also pointedly avoiding meeting his gaze.
“Did you just spank her?” The way he growls the question kindles something deep inside of me.
Lust?
“Oh.” Randal laughs nervously. “Yeah, but I’m totally gay. It was a playful spank.”
“Don’t. Touch. Her.”
No, not lust, definitely not. My eyes bug out of my head, and I place the frothing pitcher under the steam wand. “Hey,” I say over my shoulder. “It’s fine. I didn’t mind.” Then I turn on the steamer and let the sound of the warming milk overpower whatever Javier says in response.
