Page 35 of Heat & Deceit
Sitting across from him and Rome, I mentally prepare for their reactions. It kills them a little more every time I come back with bad news. I know better than to think they blame me for it, but I blame myself.
Like Carmine said, I am an asshole.
I’m difficult.
I don’t want docile and sweet. I want someone to push me. I want someone to challenge me. The guys aren’t as particular as I am, which is part of why I’m the first line of defense. We’ve tried it the other way around, with one of them going first, but by the time I got around to meeting the omega, they were getting attached. When it was clear I wasn’t impressed or interested, they’d let the omega down as gently as possible and assure me it was fine, that we should all be on board with whoever we pick as a mate. The omega needs to like all of us as well, and usually, they don’t like me.
See? Clearly, I’m the problem.
“Right,” Javier says when I don’t answer. “Well, we’ll try again.”
“Maybe we should give up,” Rome mutters.
And there it is. The part that makes me wither a little. That, because of me, they’ll never know happiness. I’ve tried to be better. I’ve behaved on dates and pretended to be someone I’m not, but even then, considering living the rest of my life as that person made me sick.
You’re such a disappointment,my mother’s voice whispers inside my head.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Ly.” Rome refills his glass. “Things like this take time.”
“They’d go faster without me in the way.”
“Not this martyr shit again,” Javier mumbles. “You’re not leaving the pack. We’re brothers, whether you like it or not.”
Bristling, my gaze clashes with his. “This is my family.”
“Then stop acting like you have to leave for things to work out.”
I take a slow drink and let the liquor roll over my tongue. “Every time we find a match, it ends when I come into the picture.”
“We’ll keep trying.” Rome leans forward and rests his arms on his knees, letting the tumbler hang loose in one hand. “I don’t want a mate badly enough to destroy our pack. Do you?” He side-eyes Javier.
“No.”
“Then, it’s settled.” Rome pierces me with a hard stare. “We’ll keep searching. Somewhere out there is the omega who’s meant for us.”
“Sure,” I say, not at all convinced. Of all my dates, the only time I actually enjoyed the conversation was tonight, and Carmine wasn’t even my date. She doesn’t count.
And ain’t that a bitch.
Nine
NOVA
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I try to work some life into my features before lighting another candle. Kiki will be here soon, and I’m embarrassed to admit I stayed up late last night on thePlaying for Keepsapp while trying out a few new vibrators. After my disaster of a date, I spent most of yesterday finding a few different types, and the rest of the day was spent baking and playing the interactive romance game. The ladies at the sex shop were really nice and helped me out, but I should have known a regular toy wouldn’t do it for me.
I was too embarrassed to head to the Knot Master section of the store. With no good way to explain why I’d need a big vibrator with a bulbous pulsing knot at the base of it, I left with a clit teaser, a sleek vibrator with an attached clit teaser, and a ton of lube.
Missionget myself offfailed. No matter how hard I tried, the magic both vibrators promised did not happen. On the positive side, nothing got lost inside of me.
My phone chirps on the bathroom counter.
Kiki
I’m here.
The windows are open. Between the soft breeze sweeping through the room and the candles, all traces of my arousal are gone.
