Page 39 of Heat & Deceit
Blowing out a harsh breath, I hold up my hands in surrender. “Okay, I promise to talk to you when I’m struggling, but I’m okay now. The craving is gone.”
But it’ll be back. It always comes back. After I fully detoxed and finally started feeling good, I was surprised when a craving hit me. The counselors at Sunny Hill helped me find ways to distract myself. They said it was a normal part of sobriety, but I still can’t help feeling like a failure.
She squints at me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I nod to punctuate my statement. “I’m good. Embarrassed, maybe, but good.”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed with me, Nova. I think you’re really strong.”
I twist my lips to the side. That’s what they said at rehab too, how strong I was for doing the hard part. How I’d get stronger every day. I don’t feel very strong today.
“Can I give you a hug?”
“Of course,” I say. “Sorry if I made things awkward.”
“You don’t need to apologize for being human.” She gives me a quick hug and steps back after a second, grinning at me. “Now, make sure you call me. I’ll be back soon. Maybe we can plan to make a day out of it?”
“That sounds great.” I return her smile the best I can. Kiki is more understanding than anyone I know.
Slinging on the backpack, she shoots me a wink and struts out of my apartment. I go to the door once she’s out and watch as she gets on the elevator before closing myself inside my studio. Glaring at the trash can, I kick it on my way to the bed.
It’s still early, but I don’t have it in me to be awake right now. Besides, I work the first shift tomorrow morning, and I need all my energy to deal with Javier.
Ten
NOVA
A few people do a double take as I pass them on the street. I try not to notice and internally regret my decision to wear a little more makeup than usual and the extra-tight jeans. I definitely wasn’t thinking about Javier and his starburst eyes roving over my body. And I definitely didn’t check out my ass to make sure it looked perfectly full and round.
Definitely not.
I make it to work right as Amara arrives. She nods at me as she pulls open the door and immediately drops her gaze back to her phone. I don’t take it personally. After the first few times I worked with her, I realized she’d rather check in with her friends than fake interest in coworkers. I can respect that mindset.
With Amara, I don’t have to be careful like I do with Randal. I like working with him, but he’s so talkative and friendly, it’s always extra work to make sure I don’t slip up and say something that’ll make him ask questions.
Javier is waiting at the coffee machine for both of us. “How about a morning pick-me-up?”
“Please,” Amara says, moving her gaze from her device for the millisecond it takes to look at him before heading to the back to put her stuff away.
“And how about you? Can I make you another dark chocolate mocha?” His lips pull into that devastatingly handsome smile.
All right. You got this, Nova. You won’t be fooled by a pretty smile and a good set of teeth. Be strong.
“I got a seventy-percent dark chocolate syrup in.” He brings his fingers to his lips and makes the chef’s kiss gesture.
Fuck. That’s not fair.
“A mocha sounds great.”
Dammit, Nova! Folding at the promise of delicious chocolate is not being strong!
Like Amara, I escape into the back room and stash my purse and phone away. She’s already got her apron on by the time I shake mine out.
“I need to leave early. Do you think Javier will mind?” She glances at me, face blank. She’s hard to read sometimes.
“I don’t think so. He’s not like Tabitha.” I wrinkle my nose as I say her name. “You should ask him.”
“Okay, thanks.” She gives me a little smile and deposits her phone into her apron pocket before walking toward the front.
