Page 81 of Heat & Deceit
Nova
No, no. It’s not that bad, but can you still maybe find another dealer?
Kiki
Of course. Sorry that guy was a dick. I’ll make sure to pay him a visit.
Nova
Really, don’t worry about him. We’ll just find a new dealer, and things will be good.
Kiki
Fine, but only because I trust you to tell me if he needs his ass beat.
I lock my phone and clutch it to my chest. Fuck. I’m on my last goddamn heat suppressant, and I don’t know what happens when I’m out. I don’t know if my heat will hit the next day or if I’ll be okay for a week. All I know is that I’m holding the last freaking pill in my hand, and I have to work for Randal tomorrow.
I can’t call in. Amara is out on vacation, and Tonya can’t handle the morning shift alone. She works afternoons, and I hardly ever see her, but I don’t want to fuck her over. As much as Javier and Rome like to think they’re rock stars behind the coffee machine, they’re slow as hell.
Who knows how long it takes for the pills to wear off? The medicine will still work tomorrow. Seeing as I need my job, I’ll just have to take it one day at a time and hope the Hell Hounds get some pills in. And at the first hint of my heat, I’ll call in sick.
Two days is passable for the flu.
While it’ll suck to go through a heat without alphas, I can manage. I have that fancy vibrator, and I’ve been through heats before.
It’ll be fine.
Everything is okay.
I keep saying that, and yet, it’s never quite true.
Twenty-Three
NOVA
Want.
It’s a strange thing. No matter how much I tell myself I don’t need drugs or alcohol, no matter how much I know I’m better off without them, there’s some core part of me that always wants.
No amount of therapy or rehab has changed that. Usually, those stronger wants hit me when I’m stressed. Almost being out of suppressants, being denied more by Rome, and being sold knockoffs by that asshole at the club is definitely not doing my stress levels any favors.
I crack another egg into the triple-chocolate brownie mixture and grab a wooden spoon. A hand mixer would be faster, but that’s not what I’m going for. Baking is a labor of love. To bake, you have to pay attention. You have to measure and check ingredients and watch a timer. Baking requires focus.
I think that’s why I gravitate to it as my first choice for relieving the stronger cravings. The wooden spoon makes some of the flour and chocolate powder puff up, and I start the slow process of blending it all together, taking extra care to get most of the lumps out. There are still tiny bumps throughout the batter. Those never seem to matter. The few times I’ve used a mixer to blend the ingredients, I can never tell the difference. So long as the giant chunks are taken care of, the batter bakes the same. Some master baker somewhere is cursing my name. I pop the brownies in the oven and set a timer.
Thirty minutes.
The time on the clock mocks me. Three thirty a.m.
I should be sleeping. When I woke up at three with a clenched jaw and enough energy to clean the whole apartment, I knew what I was in for. My downstairs neighbor must hate me, but I’m trying to be quiet. I save the dishes to wash at a more reasonable hour and head to the couch, opening my laptop and navigating toPlaying for Keeps.
I’m pretty sure the vampire character is getting ready for a little blood play. Making a mental note to send Kiki athanks for the new kinkscard sometime soon, I hit the button to continue the game but immediately frown when I see the setting is at a coffee shop. My character is sitting at a table, and the vampire walks in. I try to pay attention to the prompts, but all I can think about is Tranquility and the alphas who own it.
You’re a beautiful little liar.
I groan and shift my mind to Lycus. Javier was right. I do miss the asshole. He’s funny, and maybe his drunken confessions softened me up. He was so self-deprecating, so unlike his usual self. I can’t help but wonder if he’s putting on a mask for the world too, only he’s not hiding so much as trying to be good for his pack.
He’s terrible at being good, at least when it comes to the dates he goes on.
