Page 96 of XOXO

When I heard a steady whirring sound, I opened my eyes and stared at the unfamiliar, enclosed space. There was a mask against my mouth and nose, the vehicle was bumping along the road, and that was when I realized I was in the back of an ambulance.

I immediately tried to sit up, but a paramedic pinned my shoulder down. “You’ll have to stay still.”

“What…what happened?” My voice sounded thick and distorted.

“You passed out on the football field.”

“You’ll be okay, Henners.” It was Coach’s voice, his hand reaching out to pat my arm. “We’ll just get you checked out at the hospital.”

I shook my head. “Can’t go to the hospital…”

Never want to go to the hospital again.

“We’re almost there,” the paramedic said. “Just try to remain calm.”

“No.” I glanced at Coach. “My parents…”

“Are on their way.”

Fuck, they were going to freak out. I inhaled sharply through my nose, trying to rein in my panicky gasps, but it only escalated and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I tried to rip the mask off my face and get the fuck out of there.

The paramedic hovered over me. “Your blood pressure is high. Take some deep breaths.”

The world went black again.

Next time I woke up, I was in a bed with rails, behind a curtain, with voices filtering in from the other side. I was obviously in the emergency room.

“You passed out on the football field.”

“It’s so good to see you awake,” Mom said. “Apparently, you were hyperventilating, which was taxing your system, so resting was a good idea.”

She was seated in a chair beside me, and my dad was standing against the wall, looking way too bulky in the small space. Or maybe I just had the sensation that the walls were closing in on me.

“Why…what?” I asked, trying to get my brain to line up with my mouth.

“We’re waiting for the on-call doctor—oh, here he is.” Mom stood as a short man in a white coat stepped inside, holding a tablet device, so he probably had my chart pulled up. I’d been in enough hospitals to know the drill.

“How are you feeling, young man?” he asked as he approached.

“Fine. I don’t need to be here. We can just go—”

“Whoa, hold on there.” He pressed on my shoulder. “Fainting can be a symptom of something more serious. I’ve looked over your medical history, and we need to investigate what’s going on.”

Dad swallowed audibly, as if his worst nightmare was coming true. Coach had informed my parents and ridden in the ambulance with me, so maybe Dad already knew that I’d passed out while telling the team my truths. Or at least one of them.

“Now that you’re awake, let’s go over your symptoms.” He tapped something on the tablet. “Tell me what you were feeling right before you lost consciousness.”

“Okay, um…my chest felt tight, I was clammy, and I couldn’t control my breathing.”

“Uh-huh.” He shined a light in my eyes, then glanced at the machine recording my oxygen level. “Have you felt this way before today?”

I nodded. “I’ve also been waking up drenched in sweat, sometimes with a headache.”

“How long has this been going on?” Mom asked in an alarmed tone.

“Maybe a month?” I admitted. “I didn’t want to say anything until I knew… I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”

Mom reached for my hand. “Oh, honey.”

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