Page 84 of Dangerous Strokes

“That’s not how she spoke of it. We use it for these hopeful contexts, like when we’re trying to make ourselves feel better about a love lost, but like anything else in this world, there is a balance. Tragedies are also meant to be, and when death calls… it’s unavoidable. This was her lesson when my grandfather died in an accident. It taught me that hindsight is the death of peace of mind.”

I turn my attention back to the waterfall, letting out a heavy breath.

“Your mother chose a harsh lesson.”

“She did. We all wish we had done things differently. We regret and are riddled with guilt. But hindsight… it’s a whole other type of haunting.”

“For a man who doesn’t quite believe in the more mystical side of life, or death, for that matter, you sure do have a way with words.”

He chuckles low in his chest, and I find him staring straight at me with a slight grin on his lips.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to how beautiful this man is. That defined jaw of his, those high cheekbones, and deep blue eyes, are a hypnotizing combination. They stir something low in my belly and make me squeeze my thighs together.

Yet we haven’t touched each other since my return. It’s not that the attraction isn’t there, but… any type of joy feels wrong right now. Out of place. Disrespectful.

“It won’t always be like this,” he tells me.

“Logically, I know that this will get better. But I can’t help but wonder if it will get worse again.”

“What do you mean?”

“My world was dangerous, Ronan, but the one you and your organization are part of is so much more than that. I just don’t know if I’m ready to take on all this tragedy.” I place my hand over my belly, rubbing gently, and his eyes drop there, before turning his gaze toward the waterfall.

I see the irony in my words, considering it wasn’t his world that took Hanna away… it was mine. But the connection is there—I know it, and he knows it too.

He’s thoughtful in a different way. There’s a heaviness weighing him down and I’m not sure how to make it better. What I’m saying is harsh, but I don’t want to hide anything from him. Not when it’s not just about us.

“The whole world is dangerous, Annika. I don’t think there is any way for any of us to escape that.” He turns to me, then covers my hand with his, putting a protective pressure on my belly. “But I’ll do anything in my power to shield you from it.”

The promise is in his eyes, not only in his words. There’s a peculiar clarity staring back at me, and I need to beinon the secret it holds.

“I made promises to you, and I intend to keep each and every one of them,” he says to me.

“Promises? When?”

“On the phone, before Bartiste’s men…”

“Oh.”

Venator… the mountains… the West Coast, traveling through this whole continent. It feels like eons ago, yet still not far enough.

“You weren’t just distracting me.”

“Not only, no. I’ve never thought of doing anything like that, not until you.” The blue of his eyes gleams with his words. “I want every experience I can get with you. I want to see you paint in every corner of this country. I want to swim with freaking dolphins. Take all the baby classes. I want… everything. With you.”

“You do?”

“I want our great-grandkids to talk about our love the way you talk about the love between your great-grandparents. Only I’ll do everything I can to keep you alive until old age takes us both.”

I laugh and I swear it sounds foreign. He notices too, that gleam in his eyes growing brighter.

“You have zero control over my death. But… I think I want all of that too.”

He doesn’t question my choice of words. Maybe deeper inside of me, I don’t just think I want it—I know. He probably knows that as well.

“We’ll have more photos of each other, though,” he says with a smile.

“Yeah, we definitely will. Too bad my grandpa lost great-grandma’s locket… I would have had one.”

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