Page 85 of Gift Horse

Lolly’s scent draws me down the stairs and into the kitchen, but the rage and sadness on her face makes me pull back into the doorway. Whatever she and Gwen have to say to each other is a private matter, and I need to absent myself from this place before either of them sees me.

I turn to leave, but Dottie Hainbright is in the corridor laughing with the maître d’, her little dog at her feet.Damn! That’s not Dottie’s dog. That’s Mr. Wiggins! He came to the interview in Florida! He growled at me outside Lolly’s apartment. Of course, Lolly would bring him to England, but what’s he doing with Dottie?He doesn’t like me, but that’s not what keeps me in place. It’s the confluence of confusion and the sound of Lolly sobbing.

“We left England because of Joseph fucking Powell? The creep?” She’s going to hack up a lung if she doesn’t stop to catch her breath. It’s unbearable to hear her in so much pain. “It wasn’t because of me?” The ‘me’ goes on forever and ever. That anguish! I can’t stand by and do nothing. But as I lean around the corner, Gwen wraps Lolly in an embrace. I am unnecessary, though every fiber of my being wills me to go to my woman, to put my arms around her, to absorb whatever of her pain I can.

“Of course, it wasn’t because of you, darling. What on earth gave you that idea?” Gwen strokes Lolly’s hair.

“You said I was…” I can’t hear the words, but whatever Lolly’s saying to Gwen comes from a place of deep pain. The kind of hurt that is elemental.

“No, my sweet. I said the world didn’t change. It wasn’t about you. It was abouthim.”

“You didn’t think I was a slut?” She manages the words through hiccups.

“Jesus, no!”

Lolly’s answer is tear drenched and muffled. Who talks to their boss this way?

Gwen’s voice is low, but firm. “Listen to me, because this is important. Joseph Powell was a pedo. Or if he wasn’t actually boffing young girls, he certainly wanted to! A bunch of us mothers got together and went to the headmaster, but he said we were overreacting, and that it was nothing more than a ‘light flirtation,’ and it was ‘normal for a riding instructor to touch young ladies. Even on their bottoms.’ There was no way I was going to leave you in the care of that man. What did he say? You had ‘the best seat in the county?’ You did, but the way he said it. Made my blood run cold. He was grooming you, plain and simple, and I wasn’t having that! I told the headmaster we’d go to the police, but I saw what they did to the girls who came forward. Appalling. Blame, blame, blame. And always the girls, never the man.”

Lolly speaks, but I can hear nothing.

Gwen tilts Lolly’s head up until their eyes meet. “No, we left because ofhim, my darling, not you.”

In that instant, everything falls into place. The penny drops—or rather the handful of pennies that have been jangling about in my brain. Lolly is ‘our girl’ according to Dottie, who was looking for ‘her sister.’ Once I see it, I can’t unsee it. The familial resemblance is unmistakable. Not just the red hair. But the bright eyes. The lean builds. Even the women’sattitudesare alike.Dottie is Lolly’s aunt, and Gwen is hermother. All the more reason for me not to be here.

“He told us not to tell.” Lolly blows her nose but returns to Gwen’s embrace when she’s done. Her voice is the smallest sound in the world, but I hear agony and time, and layers of doubt and fear. “He told us no one would believe us. That it would be our word against his. He said we’d all be brandedliars.”

With a pop, understanding bursts into my consciousness. This is why she cannot bear to think I lied to her. I understand now her wild grief and thrashing anger. Some shit-for-a-human—he will not be called a man, he has relinquished the right to that title—polluted her brain and made her carry the burden ofhisshame. I want to find that man, hunt him down, run him to ground, tear him limb from limb. How dare he bury her truth in his lie. There are some people who don’t deserve to draw breath: a man who twists reality for a child—makes truth lies, cuts them off from their voice—is at the very top of that list.

“Tell what?” Gwen’s voice is full of fury. Of outrage. Of something worse and wounded. “What did that bastard do? Was there more? Was I too late?”

There is a sob from Lolly. “Ophelia—he got her—she was—pregnant. He took her for an—”

I don’t hear the rest because Mr. Wiggins flies down the corridor, teeth bared between yaps. I bend low and scoop him up before he has a chance to dig his teeth into my calf and he relaxes into a flop once I have hold of him. Who knew calming a dog only required one to becalm oneself?

“Wiggy?” Lolly’s footsteps echo against the tile and she’s suddenly in front of me, her eyes puffy and red and her nose a beacon for reindeer, though I shall say no such thing to her. More than anything I want to kiss her, comfort her, give her my sleeve to wipe her eyes.

Instead, I give her her dog. “Mr. Wiggins was looking for you.”

She grabs him from my arms and buries her face in his fur. “Have you been listening?”

Tell the truth, Mariano. The whole truth. It’s all she can bear.“I came to find you. When I saw you talking with Gwen, I stalled. So, yes. I have been listening.”Make no excuses. She deserves better.

“Mariano!” Gwen strides to herdaughter’sside. “I trust you’ll keep this to yourself.”

I bow my head. Does she even need to ask? Who would break such a confidence? “Of course. This is a family matter. Please… Excuse me. I meant only to talk with Lolly. But no matter. It can wait.”

Lolly groans. “You know? That we’re family? That she’s my mother?”

I know a great many things, but I wish to step lightly. “I see the resemblance. You have her eyes.” They are beautiful eyes, Lolly’s more sparkling than her mother’s.

“And you don’t mind? You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be angry? You have your reasons for not telling me. I trust you, Lolly.”

“Is that some kind of dig?” Her face is crunched up like a piece of paper that’s about to be thrown into the fire. “Because I didn’t believe you?”

“You had evidence, Lolly, that pointed to my guilt. I would have you believe me because I am telling the truth, but I understand why you do not.”

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