Page 99 of Until Now

“Nina, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”

“Someone has to do it, Eileen.” I look up from my desk for the first time, lips pulled into a firm line. “And, I refuse to let Brina handle any of this. The sooner it’s done, the sooner we can get through it… Start moving on.”

My phone rings and I answer on the first ring. Eileen remains in the doorway, unsure what to do. After a moment, I mute the call, “Do you need something else?”

“No, guess not.” Eileen is dumbfounded. She stands in the doorway a moment longer watching as I continue my conversation as if arranging my father’s funeral was normal conversation.

Chapter Fifty-Six

“You don’t needto be so harsh, Nin,” Elizabeth scolds me from the doorway of my office. I glance at her over the edge of my computer monitor, my fingers continue typing the email I’d been answering. She wants me to say something, anything; wants me to feel bad for what I did less than thirty minutes ago, but I don’t. Realizing I’m not going to give her what she wants, Elizabeth sits in the chair across from my desk with a sigh. “I know you’re upset and you’re just trying to cope with all of this, but don’t take it out on us.”

“I’m not.”

“You threatened to fire Michaela because she was doing her job.”

“I told her to leave, she didn’t—”

“As your best friend, I’m telling you right now, you were wrong. Whether it’s Michaela, me, Josh… We’re just looking out for you. I get it, you’re trying to avoid what’s going on, that’s fine, but don’t be a bitch.”

My fingers halt at the final word. Did she just call me a bitch? Her face remains stoic — waiting for the explosion, but she won’t get it. Elizabeth has always been a straight shooter. It’s one of the things I love most about her, but I hate when she’s right. And, she’s right. I have been a bitch.

“Just like the night of the accident. You went off on Nick because—”

“Elizabeth…”

“Do you know he and Alex got into a fight that night? Alex has a black eye because Nick punched him. Not to mention the shit he said to Sheyenne. Look, I get it, you’re upset because she showed up, but that wasn’t Nick’s fault. Do you know how devastated he was when he found out about the accident? Thinking you might have been on that plane… It scared the shit out of him. And, whether you want to believe it or not, he loved your dad as much as the rest of us. He’s grieving too.”

Tears sting my eyes.

“You have a lot going on right now, but you can’t take it out on the rest of us — we’re just trying to help.”

She’s right, I know she’s right. I haven’t been myself, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve barely slept since the accident, every time I close my eyes I see it. The crash. The smoke rising from the burning ashes, the shredded scraps of metal scattered amongst the mountainside. I can’t understand what happened, how it happened. Nothing about it makes sense. The police have ruled it a tragic accident caused by a mix of pilot error and weather conditions.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper rubbing my eyes. “I don’t mean to be so harsh, I think it’s the lack of sleep and just trying to deal with everything.”

“I know.”

“I’ll call Michaela, apologize.”

Elizabeth offers a weak smile.

“Why did Nick punch Alex?”

Elizabeth sighs and relays the story Josh told her. “Nick was still heated from your argument when he got home. Alex, being Alex, decided to push the topic. I guess, in the midst of it all, Nick said some things to Sheyenne, called her out about showing up here. Tried to say your fight was because of her. Alex made a few comments, said it’s Nick’s own fault you didn’t want him around…” Elizabeth shakes her head and rubs her tired eyes. “What actually led to the punch isn’t super clear, but regardless, Nick punched him.”

“Fuck,” I whisper into my hands. Another thing to add to the list of problems I’ve caused.

“Alex is okay, he’s not mad. Sheyenne is licking her wounds, apparently she booked a flight home to Boston in the next few days.”

I don’t ask the question I really want to know — how is Nick? I know he’s beating himself up for punching Alex and saying those things to Sheyenne. He loves his brother so much, I can’t imagine how he felt when he saw Alex’s bruised eye.

“I’m gonna grab a coffee before we go to the Church, you want one?”

“I could use about ten.”

§

Where in the hell is she?

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