Page 36 of Harboring Shantae

It pissed him off that his boss knew him so well. It drove him crazy that in order to be hired, Wes had dug into his life and learned every secret. Those secrets were never used against him, but it was one more person who knew his shame.

"It's just a piece of paper while Shantae gets her life sorted. She can leave the marriage whenever she wants."

"And what about what you want? Don't think for a second I didn't miss the change in you when she stopped writing. You weren't just sad, you looked heartbroken. Why not just tell her how you feel?"

"Because not everyone is cut out for this life," he snapped. He didn't want to be questioned about the same thing that his mind and heart were feuding over every day since he saw Shantae in person. "What happens when she decides this life is too much? That me taking off on a mission at a moment's notice isn't for her? Then I'm back right where I started except with my heart ripped out of my chest. No, it's better to just leave it be."

Wes shot up from the chair and got into his face.

"And what if it's the complete opposite, huh? What if that woman loves you just as much and is afraid to tell you because you're too busy assuming the worst about her? Shantae isn't your high school sweetheart. She's not some selfish little girl who will turn on you just because things get a little too hard."

That was the thing Wes didn't understand. Shantae already stopped talking to him once because they wanted different things. She wanted marriage and kids, two things he never thought he could give her.

You already gave her one of those things. Why not the other?

"You need to think about it, Panther. Think really hard about how you want to live out the rest of your life. Alone and miserable? Or taking a chance with a good woman?"

Panther didn't hang around to see if Wes had another thing to add; he ran out like his ass was on fire. Hopefully, Shantae was having a better time than he was because his boss's pep talk was too much to handle.

Chapter 17

"Youlookabitoverwhelmed. Anything I can do to help with that?"

Missy was by far the sweetest person she had ever met. She was patient and kind. Shantae wished even a tenth of the people in Washington, D.C., were like that.

"Camron mentioned where he worked, but seeing it in person is completely different. Part of me feels like I know some of you and what goes on here because of what he wrote me, but at the same time it's all so new."

A small part of her always assumed he was embellishing how great his job was, or that she was reading too much into how good things were, but that wasn't the case. Everything and everyone was so much better than Camron described.

"Can I ask you a question? Feel free to tell me no if it's too personal," Missy said hesitantly.

Another thing she liked about Missy—the woman seemed genuine, even while being curious.

"I'll do my best to answer."

"How long did you and Panther write one another? Ray let it slip that Panther didn't know your name up until recently, so it made me wonder how long. And how was it writing to a stranger?"

Shantae was surprised more of his friends hadn't asked before that. She knew Camron didn't talk about it much. He was a private person.

"Sixteen years. It started as a high school project. My parents insisted I attend a prestigious private school whose main focus was to look good to donors. They thought sending letters to members of the armed forces would help them achieve that. We were only required to send one, with no expectation of a return letter. My father wasn't exactly happy about it, so he made me promise to keep my name secret and provide very little information. I was so sure Camron wouldn't write back. Then he did. He was so appreciative and honest. It was refreshing, considering how stuck up the kids were that I went to school with. So we kept writing each other. I convinced my grandparents to let me get a P.O. Box, since my father wanted me to stop. I think they saw how happy it made me, so they encouraged me to continue. Over the years, we grew closer until he was the only person I felt safe enough telling my secrets to."

"And now you're married." She started to respond, but Missy stopped her with a hand on her arm. "I know it's just a marriage of convenience, but I'm a romantic at heart, and I'm sorry, but the whole thing just screams as a plot for a romance novel. I've seen the way you look at him. There's something there."

"He doesn't want a relationship," Shantae responded, with her eyes cast downward.

And there lay the problem between them. The elephant in the room that caused her to back away from him in the first place. They wanted different things in life.

"I'm not so sure,” Missy argued. “I've seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is paying attention. There was definitely chemistry at your wedding. Maybe it's not what he wanted before but it would seem something has changed."

Hope.

It was a fickle thing. It could be a great motivator, but often times it led to disappointment. Shantae was too afraid to hope that Camron might feel something for her other than friendship.

"There you are. I figured you both would be in the daycare or Missy's office."

Camron entered the large kitchen area and moved so he was standing beside her. It felt good to have him close again.

"Missy was just giving me a tour. This place doesn't look big from the outside, but wow, all the offices and rooms are huge."

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