Page 32 of Monsters and Beauties

My secondhand black Mary Jane shoes had scuff marks, and my dress, one I bought at the thrift store yesterday, had a stain on the side and the hem was fraying at the bottom.

“Well,” I said to myself, since I was alone, staring at the mound of dirt before me, “I’m going to keep thinking about all the things you said. And remember that boys can suck at any age, and that just because the sun sets and everything gets dark, it'll still rise the next day and brighten everything up again.”

Brushing another tear away, I smiled.

“And I’m always gonna remember how you taught me how to make your famous chocolate chip cookies, even though I burn them every single time.”

I smoothed my hands down my dress and took in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.

“But let’s be real. I’ll never get it right. Not like how you always did.” I laughed softly as I pictured my grandmother standing in front of me, scolding me for bringing myself down. Her face would get even more wrinkled as she told me never to be negative toward myself, that there’s always room for improvement and that's how we grow… by trying repeatedly.

I turned and left without another backward glance, because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t stop myself from really breaking down.

A new chapter of my life started now, and I’d try to make the most of it. But truthfully?

It really fucking sucked.

ChapterTwo

Marcella

“Aren’t you scared to do that by yourself?”

One of my coworkers looked over my shoulder at my phone.

I pulled up a map of the area in Ketchikan, Alaska, where I’d be staying.

When I’d found out my grandma had left me a small, but comfortable, inheritance, I knew taking a trip was what she’d want me to do. It wasn’t much, but it included her two-bedroom house, the small piece of land the home sat on, and a few thousand dollars.

I’d cried when the lawyer told me, not because it was too much or too little, but because even after she’d passed away, she was still wanting to take care of me.

She’d been pinching pennies for a long time since she was on a fixed income, so knowing she’d been putting money into an account for me had me breaking down right in the attorney’s office.

So this trip was just as much for me as it was in memory of her.

“Why would I be scared? Over eight hundred thousand tourists a year, just from the cruise ships alone, see Ketchikan. They even have cruise ships that stop.”

I didn’t bother mentioning the fact the cabin I rented was actually on an island. I’d have to take a boat there, which would be a half-hour trip, and there wouldn’t be any civilization for miles. Not to mention no electricity or cell service.

No, Tara didn’t need to know any of that, because she was already staring at me like I had lost my mind wanting to go to Alaska.

Hell, she was probably one of those people who thought it was nothing but tundra and that you had to wear head to toe thermal gear or you’d freeze to death.

“The places I’m staying at have tourists.” I shrugged. “Besides, I used to do a lot of hikes and go camping with my grandmother.”

Tara’s brows lifted as she tried—and failed—not to drag her gaze up and down my body.

I held in my snort of indignation and instead narrowed my eyes because I knew exactly what she was thinking.

“You’re a big girl. How didyoudo any hiking?”

I waited, silently hoping she’d say something along those lines because I’d make sure it was the last time she ever did.

The fact I wasn’t like any of the women here with their lithe bodies and spray tans didn’t bother me. I didn’t watch my calories or worry about what a man would think if he saw me naked and I had a little extra weight on my body.

Self-esteem issues hadn’t been an issue for me because my grandmother had drilled into me that everybodywas beautiful.Iwas beautiful, even if I didn’t fit into the mold society had created.

And no one would ever tell me any differently, not with words nor looks.

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