Page 129 of Pucking Wild

Rachel just sighs. “Seriously, Cay?” At the same time, I cry, “God, I’m sitting right here.”

“Well, I’m interested,” Jake says, his tone brightening. “But…” He glances dramatically from me back to Caleb.

“I’m sure Tess won’t mind if I fuck my husband in my own shower, in my own house, behind a closed door,” Caleb replies with a roll of his eyes.

“No, I’m interested in her vagina monologue,” Jake admits.

Rachel laughs and it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “You can feel free to leave at any time,” I say at them both. “I really only need Rachel here to witness my humiliation.”

“Well, now I’m definitely not leaving,” Jake replies, tugging Caleb down onto the bed next to him.

“I have to get ready,” Caleb huffs at him.

“Five minutes, and then we’ll do a speed round,” Jake tosses out as a compromise. “Tess, you’ve got five minutes. Go.”

Rachel, Jake, and Cay all look to me.

“I—can’t—Rach, I need to know how well you know Shelby,” I get out at last.

“Pretty well, I guess,” she says with a shrug. Then she flashes me a look of horror. “Wait—ohmygod, what did you do?”

“What?” I cry, feigning indignation.

“You only do morning freak outs when you’re regretting last night. I know you fucked someone inappropriate, and now you’re asking me about Shelby and—oh, holy fuck, was it Sully?”

“No,” Jake gasps dramatically, his hand going over his mouth.

Rachel looks ready to implode. “Tess, I swear to God—”

“Ew,gross,” I shout over her. “No! He’s like obnoxiously happily marriedandhe wears socks with sandals. Are you kidding me?”

“Hey, I wear socks with sandals,” Jake counters.

“We all do,” Caleb adds.

“If you need a reason to hate him, how about because his favorite ice cream flavor is Rocky Road?” Jake offers. “I mean, honestly, it’s criminal.”

But Rachel is looking at me. “If not Sully, then who did you—”

“She fucked Langers,” Caleb says, his eyes on Jake’s phone.

It’s my turn to gasp, peering around the other two at him. “How did you know?”

“Because your mutual attraction is as subtle as a goal horn,” Ilmari says next to me, his face still buried in the pillows by Rachel’s side. He’s shifted a little so now he has a large arm slung over her hips.

“Hooooly shit,” Jake says. “Tess, do you have a thing going with Langley? Isn’t he like ten years younger than you?”

“Age is just a number,” Caleb replies. “He’s hot and she’s horny.”

“Andyoucan go drown in the shower,” I snap at him.

“They’ve had a thing since beach day, way back before you and I were even a thing,” Rachel says at Mars, still petting his hair.

He just makes a grunt sound, curling in closer to her.

“Wait, now I’m confused,” says Jake. “What does Shelbs have to do with any of this?”

I groan, giving Rachel a sheepish look.

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