Page 145 of Pucking Wild

“Tess,talkto me,” he presses. “What is this about—”

“It’s aboutyou,” I cry. “It’s about me trying to stop you from throwing your life away, waiting on me to give you something when I’ve told you I never can!”

“Jesus, fuck.” He drags both hands through his hair. “Is this about what you said to me at the wedding last month? That bullshit about me wanting to marry you?”

“Ryan—”

“Have Ieverasked you to marry me?” he shouts. “Have the words ‘Marry me, Tess’ ever left my mouth in the form of a question?”

“No—”

“Have you ever even asked me my views on the subject?” he says, crossing his arms.

“No.”

“No, you haven’t,” he snaps. “Because you’ve been too busy running scared, right? Poor Tess can’t plan for the future. All she can think about is running from her past. Well, let me enlighten you. I don’t give a shit about marrying you. Why would I?” he adds with a shrug. “Neither of us are religious, and we’re both U.S. citizens. I don’t need the tax benefits and, frankly, I’d rather keep my finances separate from my partner—not because I intend to withhold from her, but because my taxes are a fucking mess.”

Of course, my calculating Virgo has thought it all out. “Ryan—”

“That is all to saynothingabout how unnecessary I see the institution to be,” he says over me. “Love is love, right? Look at Doc and her guys. Just look at the bullshit they’re having to deal with, picking who gets to be married and who gets a commitment ceremony. And what are they gonna do when they have kids? Who gets to be the father? It’s fucking bullshit.”

“And then look at you,” he says, waving a hand at me. “All you want is out of a marriage that no longer works for you, and yet you’re trapped. It’s been three fucking years, and you can’t break free of that asshole. It’s madness.”

I hold back my tears as he paces away from me with a muttered curse.

Then he’s closing the space between us, taking me by the shoulders and holding my gaze. “If it will stop you running scared, I’ll make you this vow right here, right fucking now: Tess Owens, I willneverask you to marry me. Those words will never pass my lips, okay?”

Our bodies hum with electricity at being so close. It’s like mine knows to crave him. It knows he’s nearby. Does he feel the same? The tremble in his fingers makes me think he does.

“But let’s not for one more second distract ourselves with talk of a marriage neither of us want or need,” he says, still holding tight to me. “This isn’t about that. Just admit it: You’re terrified.”

I gasp, leaning away from him. My resolve hardens at the look in his eyes. “I’m not afraid of anything,” I say, heart racing.

“Liar.” His hands slide up my shoulders to grip my face. “You’re terrified of this. You’re terrified of me, of what you feel for me.”

I huff, the sound catching in my throat. “You think you know me?”

“I do.”

“Why would I be afraid of you?”

“You’re afraid of what I can offer you,” he replies. “You’re afraid of what I represent.”

“And what is that?” I say, trying to ignore the way my body lights up at his touch, the way I’m leaning closer to him even now.

“Hope,” he murmurs, his lips inches from mine.

I close my eyes tight.

Hope. That word is dangerous. That word builds you up and tears you down, leaving nothing left but a charred and broken mess. Hope that my mother could change, that she could learn to stay. Hope that someone could want me. Hope that Troy was the one, that we would be happy. Hope that his family would accept me. Hope that we’d find a way through, that he could learn to love me again.

“No. I don’t have hope—”

“Yes, youdo,” he presses, his hands drifting down my shoulders. “You’re protecting yourself with this bullshit about living in the now. But I see you, Tess. You have hope hidden away that you deserve more than what you’ve settled for in the past.”

How does he know me like this? He doesn’t get to know me. I can’t let him in.

“No one has ever put you first, Tess. Not your family, not Troy, not even Rachel.” He says the words so casually, tearing me open. “She has her own life, her own priorities. I give you hope that you deserve to come first.”

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