Page 82 of Playing to Win

Chuckling, I kiss the tip of her nose. “How would you feel about lying in my arms all night?”

She nods. “I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more.”

Izzy’s breaths are slow and deep as she sleeps across my chest. I lie perfectly still, scared I’ll disturb her and that she might roll over, away from me. I need to hold her. As I lie here in the darkness of my bedroom, she’s the only thing stopping me from losing my mind. She’s going back to London. Back to a life full of designer labels, where her wealthy parents pay for her apartment. A life like Alice’s.

* * * *

Day 13.

Izzy comes with me to drop Cady home, both of them grumbling at how early it is but both knowing I have to get to the gym.

I stop the truck in my usual spot at the edge of the cul-de-sac. I can feel Izzy’s eyes on me. It must seem strange to her that I don’t drive Cady to the house. I get it. But how can I tell her this is what eighteen years of wishing looks like? How do I tell her it’s just too much for me to see Alice’s life without me in it?

“Well, back to Alice’s house arrest,” Cady says, getting her things together in the backseat.

“Alice?” Izzy says, staring at me.

“That’s Mom’s name,” Cady says, not registering the shift in mood in the front of the truck. “It was really nice to meet you, Izzy. Hopefully it won’t be too long before you come back from the UK.”

Wow, way to add to the awkward-as-hell moment, Cady.

“’Bye, Dad.” She leans through the seats and plants a kiss on my cheek.

“’Bye, baby.”

Izzy is still looking at me as I knock the truck into gear and head back to the city. I force myself to look straight ahead. But as we pull into line behind traffic, she asks, “Alice, as in Alice in Wonderland?”

I glance quickly at her and back to the road. “Yes.”

“Your tattoo.”

I nod. “It was the first tattoo I got, a long time ago.”

“Do you still… I mean, are you over her?”

“Am I over Alice?” I don’t know why I feel the need to repeat the question. “Izzy, Alice and I haven’t been together since Cady was born. We were seventeen.”

“Why don’t you drop Cady at home?”

I feel the muscles of my jaw tense and my nostrils flare as I breathe out. “Cady has two homes, and I just don’t, okay? Can we drop this now?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. Cady obviously has two homes. This is just all new to me.”

Guilt churns my stomach. I know it’s new to her. And I wish I could give her answers to her questions about Alice. The thing is, I don’t have them.

Am I over Alice? Will I ever be?

I know I feel different about Izzy from the way I’ve felt about Alice, or anyone.

Can I be in love with Izzy and not be over Alice?

Can I be in love with Izzy knowing that there is every chance she is going to break my heart?

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