Page 45 of A Son Hidden from the Sicilian

Brianna felt a somewhat hysterical laugh bubble up inside of her. Didn’t sex at a party say enough? “He knows,” she repeated. She had told him she wanted a relationship built on love. Wasn’t that clear enough?

“Are yousure?”

Brianna was sure.Almostsure anyway. Maybe she hadn’t told him she wantedhimto be the loving relationship, but why would he tell her love was a lie if he didn’t know she loved him?

Unless... Unless he was worried abouthislove for her, not hers for him. Unless all of his thoughts and fears when it came to love had very little to do withherlove...and everything to do with his.

Maybe...maybe if he knew, maybe if she assured him that she loved him, it might help him get over his reticence.

Don’t be an idiot, Brianna.

“Men are not always the most adept at understanding emotions and feelings,” Mom continued. “Sometimes you think you’ve been very clear, but they’re still in the dark. The things I’ve had to explain to your father over the years.” She rolled her eyes. “Lorenzo is quite adept in many areas, but perhaps he needs some help and some more directness in interpersonal relationships.”

It sounded so...rational. So correct. Sheknewshe was letting herself get her hopes up when she shouldn’t, but this was her mother. Helene Andersen was a model of clear thinking and good decision-making. Shouldn’t that mean Brianna should listen to her? She turned from the window and looked at her mother.

It made her feel so vulnerable it hurt. To believe any of this could be true. But her mother held Gio and looked so...in control. Like she knew what she was doing.

“Do you... Do you really think so?” Brianna managed to ask.

Helene took a long moment to answer. “Bri. I can’t promise you that he will behave in the way you might want. I can’t promise you his feelings. But I can promise you it’s better to try than not. It’s not...quite the same. Family love. Romantic love. But when I made the decision to cut things off with my family, it was because I knew I had triedeveryavenue. Any pain I feel over that loss is...grief, not guilt. BecauseIgave it my all. At the end of the day, you can’t control Lorenzo, make him think or feel what you want, but it’s better to give it your all and fail and grieve that, than spend your life wondering and feel guilt or regret.”

Brianna wasn’t sure she believed that. Wondering left...avenues. Mental gymnastics. Baring everything could be the definitive end, and wouldn’t that hurt worse than the possibility?

But her mother was looking at her expectantly, holding a little boy who looked so much like his father, whodeserveda father—hisfather in his life. Maybe... Maybe she was too scared to do it for herself, but she should do it for Gio. For Lorenzo.

“I guess... I guess I should go talk to him.”

Mom smiled broadly and Brianna used that as courage. She went back to her room and got dressed and practiced what she would say.

Lorenzo, I know you think love is a lie, but I love you. I have since the beginning. I think we should try to make something work. Can’t you at least try?

Well, that made her want to throw up. It sounded so much like...begging. And she wouldn’t beg. She had to havesomepride, didn’t she?

Does pride matter to your son?

Someday it would. Someday he would be old enough to look at his parents and understand the complicated world around them. Brianna wanted Gio to grow up thinking she was a good person, a good example. She wanted Gio to feel the same way about her that she felt about her parents.

Could she be that if she kept throwing herself at his father...and failing?

She looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t hide the effects of her lack of sleep. She couldn’t hide anything if she was going to go tell him shelovedhimand wanted a chance.She would be the pathetic character in the situation if he kicked her to the curb. The sad little girl begging for crumbs where there were none to be had.

But she...shedidbelieve he loved her. Or cared for her at least. He wouldn’t behave the way he did if he didn’t havesomefeelings for her. Was it really so pathetic to be up-front and honest with him and demand the same?

No, it didn’t have to be pathetic. Not if she kept her wits about her.

And when have you done that when it came to Lorenzo?

Wasn’t there some saying about insanity being behaving the same way over and over again and expecting different results?

But if she could get through to him... Wasn’t it possible that she got through his walls, his plans, hislove is a lie, and get to the heart of the matter? Even if it wasn’t love on his part, if they could be honest with one another, maybe that was the actual answer. Maybe that would take away their inability to resist a physical relationship.

She moved out into the hallway because spending any more time getting ready was just going to continue her roundabout thoughts. She needed to take action. Decisive action.

She shouldn’t get her hopes up. With her luck she’d end up saying nothing and having sex with him in a closet or something. Then he’d tell her he had a plane ready for her to return to New Jersey.

She huffed out a bitter little laugh. Why was she doing this?

But as she stepped into his office, she knewwhy.

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