Page 122 of Poetry of Flowers

Forget-me-nots.

“I know, it’s been a while.” A soft chuckle escaped me, my eyes growing blurry.

I wasn’t sad, I was just overwhelmed and happy to move on.

“I was busy finding happiness, no, that sounds a bit shitty- I mean... I just wasn’t around.”

Sniffing my nose, I saw a few rain drops falling on the flowers I just placed next to the grave.

Of course, it would rain, we were in Grand Lee after all.

“Remember when I was four and asked you when I could marry Kayden? It was right after we went to your college friend’s wedding. The atmosphere was so magical that I wanted to have this too, not someday but right now. There was not another soul I would consider as my imaginary husband than my best friend. He was always in the back of my mind.” I smiled at the memory. “You told me to wait till I’m older, and that I’d have to ask Kayden. But I knew you had managed to claim Dad as your future husband in high school, so I was fully convinced I could make that work too. When I got older, the struggle to believe in my plan got real.” I laughed as I brushed my damp hair behind my ears.

“But we Avril women always get what we want.”

A little sparrow landed on the left side of the gravestone and looked at me. It jumped from side to side and tilted its tiny head.

“You got Dad, I got my Kayden.” I swallowed the lump in my throat without taking my eyes off the sparrow for a second.

“I think there is a chance I can finally be happy, Mom. Kayden’s love makes me believe that it’s still worth living, and that’s why I have to say goodbye.” A few tears mixed with the soft rain drops on my cheeks.

I didn’t think it would still hurt this much.

“I’m ready to let you go, Mom, to let you rest.”

The sparrow kept hopping from left to right, chirping quietly.

“There won’t be a day where I won’t think of you, you’ll always be in my heart. There was a time when all I did was to question why me, why my family. There is no way for me to change the past, as much as it hurts. I know you wouldn’t want me to hold on to the grief forever. I love you, Mama, and that’s why I have to let you go.”

The sparrow flew away into the rain.

My heart hurt.

That’s okay, I was hurt forever in some way. Nothing could ever change that. I just had to learn to live with it.

“Are you okay?”

A voice asked from behind me.

The rain had stopped falling on my skin. When I turned my head, I saw Kayden standing beside me, holding an umbrella over the both of us.

“If I say, yes, then I would be lying, if I say, no, then I would deny myself happiness. I just know I did the right thing,” I answered, leaning my back against him as he placed his free arm came around my waist and pressed a gentle kiss on my temple.

“I’m proud of you, Fleur.”

* * *

“IsDad going to be different now?” Remy asked as we both sat on our front porch waiting for our father’s taxi to arrive.

The rain had stopped after I returned home and decorated everything a little with my brother.

I lay my arm around his shoulders and placed my head on his.

“He sounds different on the phone, not so washed out,” my brother added.

“Washed out?”

“Yes, he usually sounds how my old shirts look when they have been washed too many times. Tired and... washed out. It makes sense to me.”

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