Page 25 of Poetry of Flowers

“Ugh, yes, but it makes me frustrated because he is frustrating. Can’t he talk to me about it?!” she buried her face in her hands.

“You could also talk to him about it.”

I gave her advice even though I never really had a relationship or my first kiss. I did kiss Kayden in kindergarten, but that was because I saw my mom doing it to my dad, and I thought this must be a common way to show that you love someone. At that age, I didn’t know it was supposed to be romantic love.

“He has to come to me first, I don’t want to run after him. I don’t need a man. They are just placeholders. In fact, I can pleasure myself perfectly well, maybe better than some boys can.”

She lifts her head and looks at me, her bottom lip slightly pushed forwards like she was about to cry.

“Say something, tell me I don’t need the appreciation of a man.”

Leaning forward, I cupped her face with both of my hands so that her full concentration was on me and my words.

“Autumn?”

“Mmh?”

“You don’t and will never need the appreciation of a man,” I told her.

She rolled her eyes as she pulled away from me. “The thing is, I want him; I want Theo so bad.”

That was the thing with Autumn, she always wanted what she couldn’t have, and everything she could have was boring to her. It was the chase she liked, not the prey.

“Is it because he was amazing in bed, or because this one incident made the butterflies in your stomach go wild?”

Autumn groaned and grabbed the bowl of popcorn from my couch table, stuffing a handful in her mouth she mumbled, “He’s an asshole with no competence, but he was so gentle, Tillie, he made me feel so loved.”

Her gaze turned glassy, like she was holding back the tears of lost love.

My cousin had her reasons to sleep around. She’d deny it, but I knew that she didn’t feel loved enough by her family. It wasn’t even that her parents didn’t show her enough love. I think it was the fact that her twin sisters always had each other, but Autumn had to play by herself. She wanted attention from everyone, but especially from boys, which is nothing bad, but they always hurt her.

“I love Theo, but if he doesn’t see what a sexy woman you are, he definitely needs new glasses.”

I could only tell her. Love is like the ocean, either it drives you through the waves or they pull you down under. Love had so many perspectives, but I doubted that I could give her any advice, I couldn’t even love myself, how should I know how it felt for another person?

Autumn chuckled and pulled me under her arm, pressing a kiss on the top of my hair as she laid her head on mine.

“Do you know how much I love you, little cousin?”

Smiling, I sat up and kissed her temple before I stood up. “Love you too.”

Just as I was about to walk over to the kitchen, the doorbell rang.

I just stood there thinking about who it could be, the sun was already setting, and my father had the keys. He wouldn’t be back any time soon, for sure. I had pissed him off, he was stubborn, so he wouldn’t come back and apologize in the next few hours, even though I was his daughter.

The doorbell rang again, walking over I thought about the odds of a serial killer ringing that bell and telling me his car had broken down and if he could come in to call his girlfriend before I would get slaughtered...

I had to stop listening to true-crime podcasts.

It wasn’t a serial killer but Kayden and Theo.

Kayden had a bag thrown over his shoulder as he looked down at me, his green eyes pierced my soul.

Why did he look so sad but so happy at the same time?

“What happened?” I asked, but he only shook his head with a quiet laugh. The laugh was fake.

“Can we come in?” Theo asked as he already walked past me.

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