Page 91 of Poetry of Flowers

Tears swelled in my eyes thinking about her old dog, Debbie, who died from old age a year ago. I’m sure that Joy is playing with her right now.

“But if an angel saved her soul afterward, why didn’t he save her before she had to leave us?”

I wished I could tell her why that was, but I didn’t know; I didn’t know why this fate had to hit her family. There was nothing bad I could think of when I thought about the Avril’s. They were a lovely family. Tillie’s parents met in high school and loved each other since they were fifteen.

This wasn’t fair.

“Your Mom is watching over you and your brother, you just won’t see her anymore.” That was all I could tell her before I pulled her in my arms, and the tears came again.

“But I want to see her, she promised to help me choose my wedding dress if I ever get married. We wanted to visit France for the first time in five years over my birthday this year, but now she left without me!” My heart ached too as her heartbreaking sobs vibrated against my chest.

We watched the rest of the funeral in this position. After a while, Tillie stopped crying and became still as she pressed her head in the crook of my neck.

“Can we get out of the car?” she asked when her father started talking, and I nodded, opening the door and helping her outside. She didn’t let go of my hand when we made our way to the gate.

Tillie let herself fall down on the grass with the flowers held to her chest. I sat down beside her, still holding her cold hand.

The birds were singing, and it almost harmonized with the melody that was playing at the funeral.

A little sparrow landed on Tillie’s feet and hopped to the flowers she had laid beside her.

It was a beautiful young bird.

“My mom loved sparrows,” she mumbled and watched the bird plug a forget-me-not from the bouquet.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” I asked her, still watching the bird.

Tillie shook her head.

“I lost all my hope and beliefs.”

“What if your mother sent you the bird to show you, she’s still with you-.”

“Kayden, please stop, I know you are trying to make me feel better, but telling me fairy tales hurts even more. If I believe this, I know that every time I see a sparrow, I’m going to believe every bird is a gift from my mom, and it will hurt each time,” she whispered. A few new tears made their way down her red cheeks silently.

The sparrow hopped towards me, and slowly I stretched out my hand, I knew they were shy animals, but it was worth a try.

His little feet tickled my hand, I never thought he’d really trust me and come this close.

It didn’t last long, as soon as I tried to lift up my hand, he flew away, but left the little blue flower behind.

“Repose en paix, Maman.” Tillie whispered as her mother was laid to rest.

You - September 4, 2022

I kissed you a thousand times before your lips reached mine,

Words are kisses,

I miss you,

Be careful,

I’m here for you.

My eyes loved yours for an eternity.

Even though our lips never touched like lovers do,

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