Page 14 of Shame

“You’re right. I will. Thank you.”

I motion for the door, unsettled by this strange girl with the fiery dark eyes. I want to hold her, and I want to escape her, both at the same time. “I—I’ll drive you back ho… To the house. Okay?”

She nods and pulls the blanket tighter around her body.

I stare at her petite form, at her ravaged body, and remember how I pictured Salvatore fucking her last night, how it got me off. Shame, raw and scorching, blackens my soul as I hop into the driver’s seat again and take her to her not-home.

I have a bed, but I feel homeless too. I lack purpose. There’s no meaning to my life.

In a way we’re maybe not so different.

CHAPTER SIX

Carmen

Even with my eyes closed, I recognize the sounds, the scents, the gravel under the wheels that makes the car rattle. I’m back at the house.

The engine stops. A door opens and closes. I have no energy to even raise my arms, and even less to try to get out myself, so I remain in my cocoon, on the backseat of the fancy limo that drove me to my fate last night, the same that has now taken me back to my prison.

It’s silent, then I hear a door open, muffled voices. There’s a cool draft as they open the door by my head.

“Carmen?” The matron’s voice is soft, almost tender.

“She’s pretty out of it,” says the driver.

“Is she conscious?”

“Yeah, I’ve talked to her.”

“Carmen, can you move?”

I crane my neck and manage to see them, hovering in the door opening, two concerned faces. The matron isn’t a bad person per se. She’s strict, but fair. Her hands are as tied as any of us. Salvatore has her in his claws just as he has me, the other girls, Lucas, those men from last night.

“I’ll carry her, ma’am.” He climbs in. “Carmen. I’m not sure where I can hold you. I wanna help you inside, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

I look at his kind eyes, blue as the early morning sky, and caress his cheek. “Nowhere. Everywhere. It doesn’t matter.”

His eyes flicker over my body as he frowns, then he carefully pushes his hands under my back and my knees. I fight to hide the wince. I don’t want him to see how bad the agony is that sears through me at his touch. Pulling me out, he straightens and cradles me to his warm, firm chest. I look up at him, at his strong jaw with a light blond stubble covering it. He looks so young, so innocent. What is he doing in this business? Resting my cheek against his shirt, I listen to his steady heartbeats.

“Where to, ma’am?”

“Follow me, Lucas.”

We move up the stairs, the old wood creaking, complaining under our combined weight. This place has had its heydays, fought its wars. It needs a rest. It doesn’t need the troubled souls that reside here. We turn to the right, a narrow corridor with a row of white doors. The house is silent. I don’t know what time it is, but I don’t think any of my housemates are up yet. A door squeaks on its hinges and the scent of lavender-scented soap and old wood tells me we’re in my room. We don’t actually entertain the men here. The rooms are tiny, but we get to have that one sliver of privacy in our lives. It could be much worse. In the little filthy apartment I shared with two other working girls, I slept on the same soiled sheets that the men had drenched with their cum. I got the occasional rough customer, but this is something else entirely and I find myself wishing I was back there. In a way, I was free. Here, I’m owned, no matter how fancy the rooms are.

Lucas lowers me to the bed and I fall to my side, folding into a fetal position. The matron’s face appears before me. No makeup in the early morning hour, her long, gray hair tied in a bun that looks painfully tight. She hasn’t used Botox or filled her face into a faked youth and I’m looking at a naturally aged, graceful woman in her sixties, her pale eyes filled with concern.

“I need to look at you, honey.”

I nod.

She straightens. “I’ll take it from here. You’ve been very kind, Lucas. I don’t have much, but you’ll always be welcome to my house. No charge, hon.”

“I’m— Yes, ma’am,” he stutters endearingly, sounding shy all of a sudden. “Thank you, ma’am.”

The door closes behind him, and she turns her attention back to me, slowly uncovering my body, her face turning white. She looks me over and her lips tighten.

“I’ll be right back, love. Right back, I promise.”

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