Page 28 of Shame

“Why not? It’s just sex.”

I lick my lips and regard her, the silence mounting between us.

“Not to me, it isn’t.”

I stumble out before I climb up on the bed and pull the duvet off her. I don’t want anyone else. Never again.

CHAPTER TEN

Lucas

One day I just say it. In the middle of sword fights and arrows flying over pointy ears.

“I almost hurt someone. Really bad.”

It takes her a few moments before she reacts to the changed tone of my voice. She narrows her eyes as she studies me.

“A woman?”

A shudder runs through me at the memory. I look at Carmen, at how the rays of sun play in her dark brown hair. She has so many colors in her hair it’s unbelievable. Brown, golden, copper. It shifts with the light. She was hurt so bad. Hurt by the same monster who nearly made me kill that woman, if not directly, then through his guys.

“But you didn’t?” she continues when I don’t answer.

I let the book drop on my lap and look at my palms. I still feel the weight of the knife. The nausea. The nightmarish heat in my mind.

“I see it before me every time I close my eyes,” I whisper. “It’s like cancer. It’s eating me.”

“You should leave, Lucas. You shouldn’t work for him.”

“You should leave!”

“I can’t!”

“Go back to Colombia. I can help you if you need money.”

She shakes her head, then a crooked smile ghosts past her lips. “You want to get rid of me that bad?”

“No! I— Are you ever gonna tell me why?”

“Maybe.”

“Please, Carmen, before something worse happens. Do you know what my worst nightmare is? Of them all?”

My little beauty shakes her head and frowns.

“That I’ll get the call to drive you there again.”

She pales, and her eyes widen. I grab her hand and she clutches mine. We look at each other, no one speaking.

“Please, Lucas. Think of yourself first. I’ll manage.”

“I want to take you away. Just go somewhere.”

The sadness in her gaze makes my chest ache. “Come here,” she says, and pulls me to her.

I climb up on the bed and nestle in next to her, pulling her to me. “Does it hurt? Should I—”

“No. It doesn’t. Please just hold me.” She snuggles closer, resting her head on my arm. I lay my chin on top of her head and inhale her scent, fresh and flowery. Having her in my arms for the first time since I carried her inside this house that fatal night makes my head spin. My heart feels as if it’s gonna burst.

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