Page 54 of Then Came You

He’s too dreamy

I want to do unspeakable things to him

I want to fuck him (okay, that’s really covered in 8)

I love him.

I sigh, laying my head further back into the too-soft hospital pillow. I haven't had a moment of peace since I woke up. As I'm about to slip into what I imagine will be a restless sleep, filled with nightmares and agony, a creaking door hinges open, letting in a cool draft, followed by a soft click as the latch shuts.

I feel him before anything else, catch his minty scent second, and see him last as I turn my neck toward him.

He looks tortured.

He thumps his head against the panels, creating a deafening echo, and screws his eyes shut. After a deep inhale and an even longer exhale, he reopens them, sweeping them up and down my almost limp and battered body.

“I could have lost you,” he says quietly, his words almost drowned out by the beeping. “Tink…I...don’t…Why didn't you tell me?” He roughly rubs his beard.

So, we're doing this then.

Seeing him tightens the thick knot of shame in my chest. “Blade…” Where to even begin? “I was ashamed.” I intentionally look the other way. A moment later, I hear the linoleum floor squeak, and feel a shift and dip of the bed. He's sitting on the edge.

“Talk to me, Row.” His touch is light as a feather, but I feel the heat of his hand on my thigh through the hospital blanket. “Let me in, gorgeous.”

I grimace, feeling pain radiating in my throat from where I was choked.

“What?”

“You called me gorgeous. I haven’t looked in a mirror lately, but I’m sure I’m no Mona Lisa.” I'm not disgruntled. It is what it is, but there’s no point lying about my appearance.

“You listen to me, Tink.” He's so firm, I feel like a schoolgirl getting scolded by the principal. “There isn’t a thing about you that isn’t captivating. That doesn’t make me go crazy. That makes me lose my mind.” I want to believe him, but history tells me otherwise. “I’m going to erase every scar, baby, and leave new ones on you. Ones that are full of my love, my awe, my affection for you, so you know in your bones, in your soul, how special you are. I promise, baby.” He caresses my thigh, adamant about keeping his promise.

His words leave me breathless.

He frowns when he sees the bluish-black rings around my wrist, delicately trailing his fingers over the bruise. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. What happened to you wasn’t your fault, do you hear me?”

I'm half expecting him to break out into song. I'm not ready to hear this, but he clearly needs to get it off his chest.

“God, Tink, your whole life, every bit of damage you’ve endured, isn’t your fault. The adults in your life failed you. Do you hear me? The system failed you. No one would expect you to have lasted this long. To have survived. But you did. You’re the most incredible woman. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You rose above your circumstances and showed up every single time your sister needed you.”

He entwines his hand with mine, staring so intensely into my eyes that I feel goosebumps all over my body. “I wish you saw yourself the way I see you. You’re this mesmerising star that doesn’t just shine, you burn, baby, lighting up everyone’s world that you touch. Don’t you see, Row, all the constellations shifted when I met you?”

“I can’t stay with you,” the words escape my lips like a ghost.

“Why not, Tink? I promise you’ll never know what it’s like to be alone or feel lonely ever again.”

“Because I can’t have you the way I want you,” I whimper, the pain of those words hurting equally as much as my physical wounds.

“Let’s not worry about that now, Tink. Let me take care of you,” he rasps, lifting my hand and tracing kisses on every surface.

I had held back so many pieces of myself. Strangling the stories I didn’t want anyone to know. But now, I want him to see the unvarnished truth. All of me. I can’t shoulder this loneliness anymore or this utter suffering I’ve been living with.

The air is thick with emotion. I had failed at making my Mum love me. I had failed as a daughter. More tears mist in my swollen eyes, burning my already sensitive flesh. “She never wanted us. She never protected us. She never chose us. I wanted her to choose us. Put us first, heck, put us second or third. I was so unlovable that not even my Mum wanted me.”

The heavy weight of the truth suffocates and overwhelms me, causing my stats to elevate and my lungs to cave in. I’m hyperventilating.

“Tink. No. Baby girl. Some people are incapable of seeing the most precious things in their life. You are so far from unlovable. You’re everything that is good and pure in this world. I’m so sorry you weren’t cherished like you deserved to be,” he says, softly caressing my matted hair away from my face.

Anyone could walk in at any time, but I need his touch more.

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