Page 71 of Then Came You

The last few weeks have felt like the longest stretch of time in my entire life, and that's saying something, considering my tumultuous upbringing.

I got pushed out of our home because Tori wanted to have Jake over. So, the only place I had to go was Xander's, since Blade has Haven. I've been avoiding Xan, just in case I slip up about his dad, and he is beginning to notice.

"Hello. Earth to Row," Zee snaps his fingers in front of my face as I sit beside Cindy.

I'm not thrilled that she's here. I opened up to my therapist about our friendship, and she helped me understand that, out of loneliness and a desperate need to belong, I clung to a friendship that wasn't healthy for me. Cindy checks all the boxes for a toxic friend, from being self-centred to lacking empathy, and from being unreliable to being jealous and competitive. She's manipulative, disrespectful, takes advantage of my kindness, dismissive, and unsupportive. She takes no accountability for her behaviour or actions.

"Sorry. Sorry. I'm exhausted from doing the hair for a bridal party early this morning. Are you both coming to the Light the Night event this weekend?" I change the subject.

"You betcha," Xan winks back, passing me a bottle of Moscato.

Cindy fluffs her hair. "I'll swing by," she says, but her tone implies that she has better things to do elsewhere.

"Sounds good," I smile, shifting in my sweatpants, not caring if she comes or not.

I'm eagerly awaiting a reply from Blade. I might have teased him with an image of the next destination he can explore when he gets his hands on me. My backside.

Anal has never appealed to me before Blade, but there's something so provocative and intimate about it that I only want to experience with him. It's a first that we can share together. He's pretty much done everything else besides that, so in a way, it will be an incredibly special step for us.

I tap the screen on my phone to check for missed texts. Nope. "Any news about your Mum?" Cindy asks, successfully startling me, causing my heart to race. I'm working on coping mechanisms, but undoing the damage she's done is a slow process.

Biting the quick on my thumb, I stew over her question until I taste metal on my tongue. "Uh, not since she was incarcerated. I want nothing to do with her. That part of my life is over." My response comes out more agitated than intended.

"Of course it is," Xander soothes, massaging my lower leg within reach.

"Yeah, but she'll get released eventually, right? Aren't you afraid she'll come after you?" She probes. My stomach knots tighter than even a knottologist could unravel.

I live in constant fear of the future, but meeting Blade has provided unwavering hope, belief, faith, and strength. Day by day, I feel like I'm conquering my issues. I can't let Cindy or people like her derail me.

I cross my legs, clutching a pillow tightly to my chest. I practise the 4-7-8 breathing technique I learned in therapy.

"I'm terrified of when she gets out. But by then, she won't be able to touch me, let alone find me. I won't let my past dictate my future. I refuse. I'm better than the circumstances and environment I was born into."

"Of course you are, Row, and Dad and I will always be here for you," Xan replies affectionately.

“How is your hot Dad?” Cindy perks up.

Xander stiffens, while my mouth widens over how brazen and obvious she is.

“Don’t say that,” he barks. She obviously doesn’t get the hint that this is making him feel uncomfortable. Fresh air suddenly turns into a thick plume of smoke as I try to breathe.

“Xan, we can all appreciate how good looking your dad is. I’d never betray you like that. You made it clear for us to stay away,” she replies innocently.

He exhales and leans back, sinking into the couch. “It’s just weird and creepy. He’s old enough to be your dad, and if you did get with him, I’d think you were only my friend to try and get to him, and that would fucking suck.” He looks at Cindy first and then at me. “I value my friendship with both of you.”

I’m relatively healthy and I’m not old, and yet I think I’m having a heart attack.

“Of course, Xan.” Cindy cosies up to him on the couch, soothing away his worries. Her voice is insincere, but Xan doesn’t pick up on it.

I, on the other hand, feel the sting on my neck as I claw at the unbearable itch underneath the surface. I shrink into myself, drowning in guilt.

Our relationship is going to destroy him

When I blink back up, Cindy’s eyes penetrate mine. She knows. I don’t know if she really knows, but she knows I’m hiding something, and judging by calculated glare.

I’m quiet for the rest of the evening, but I mask it behind my tiredness. Once we’ve watched episodes and episodes of The Big Bang Theory, Cindy retreats to the spare bedroom while Xan’s roommate is away, and Xander heads to bed, leaving me on the couch.

Earlier, I muted my phone in case Blade got a little too text happy, but now that everyone Is sound asleep, it’s safe to switch notifications back on.

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