Page 73 of Then Came You

I’ve heard worse venom sprouted from my own Mother, but it bothers me that she thinks she can treat me this way.

I don’t know how much weight my words will carry, but I’ve had enough of being treated like I’m worthless. With a newfound strength, I tell her how I really feel for once. “I feel sorry for you,” I murmur, not bothering to sit up to face her. Instead, I stretch my legs out on the couch and get more cosy.

I hear the whip of her hair as she turns toward me again. I also hear her breath accelerating.

“Excuse me?”

“I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you’re such a bitter and spiteful, jealous girl who needs to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.” I’m playing with fire and my words are gasoline. I shift to lie on my side, facing away from her. I’m not gutsy enough to face her, but I still have more to say. “Whatever you think you know, you don’t, but that doesn’t make you any less pitiful, and pathetic, for being a bully.”

My words slice through the air as intended.

I already know I’m trash.

I know I don’t deserve someone like Blade.

I know the ‘Cindy’s’ of the world always end up on top.

I also know I’ve built a wall of steel around my heart and my mind from the abuse that’s been hurled my way my entire life.

“You think you’re something just because you got all these handouts? You’re their charity case at best. Xander and Blade feel sorry for you, but soon they’re going to get rid of you. You’re just another slut from the wrong side of the track. Get it through your head, you are nothing. You are no one. You have no one, and you’ll have nothing.”

Every word spilling from her mouth makes me feel sick.

“Why do you hate me?” I croak, needing to know what exactly it is about me that she can’t stand. That Mum couldn’t stand? She’s managed to pluck at my deepest insecurity. “All I’ve ever done is be nice and want to be your friend?”

She lowly cackles, the sound prickling my skin in warning that I’m not going to like her answer.

“Because you are scum, plain and simple. You swanned in on the first day and you attached yourself to Xander and I. You conned yourself into thinking you were one of us and then greedily took every scrap of handout we gave you without shame, and then you had the audacity to drag Blade into your worthless problems, between the cancer that is your sister and your whore of a drug-fucked Mum. You don’t belong, yet you had no shame and proceeded to infect everyone else in your path. Sooner or later, you’ll realise everyone can’t stand you and that’s why they leave,” she scathes.

A piece of my heart dies at her confession, not because I care so much about what she says, but because people like Cindy exist. My soul weeps for all those young girls and boys that have to live through the torment of the same direct, indirect, overt, and covert bullying and discrimination I’ve had to endure my entire life. The associated anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, isolation. It can be debilitating, life-ending, suicidal. I couldn't tell you how many times I’ve felt hopeless, stumbling through my own despair at times, wishing, praying, hoping, dreaming, believing the pain would just end.

Hearing the pitter patter of feet dragging away from me, I know Cindy thinks I’ve been beat, but what she can’t possibly imagine is her words make me smile. Because despite being a nobody and nothing in her eyes…I didn’t let my circumstances eclipse me and my dreams, or rattle and wake my own recent fears.

Not wanting or needing to see Cindy’s face in the morning, I decide I’ll rise early, and text Xander there was some kind of emergency.

Chapter 32

Row

Nothing makes me feel more common and stupid ridiculous every time I drive up the marathon-long driveway that leads to Blade’s decadent front door.

But I must say the opulence of his home is mesmerising each and every time it comes into view.

It’s even more breathtaking at dawn, when the sun ascends above the horizon. Seeing the deep, dark blue shades gradually transform into a canvas of captivating colours of warm hues of pinks, oranges, and purples makes me feel calm.

This morning, there’s a crispness in the air, a coolness that I know is bound to stay all day. It’s shaping up to be the perfect end to winter.

Leaving at five meant I had time to grab some brekkie. If I’m going to hijack their Sunday, the least I can do is butter them up with pancakes.

Deciding it’s still far too early to bust in and wake Blade and Haven, I opt to just let myself in with the codes.

Throughout my entire life I’ve learned to be stealthily invisible, so tip-toeing into the kitchen and discreetly unpacking the groceries is easy. As I whisk the lumpy pancake batter, I wonder which conversation I should have first with Blade.

“God, you’re gorgeous, Tink.” Blade’s velvety tone rings somewhere from behind me, making me jump and yelp. Of course, the whisk goes flying in the air, and batter splatters on the pristine tiles.

“You scared the fuck out of me!” I whisper yell, clamouring to find a paper towel or something to clean the floor. Chuckling, he stands there with his arms folded with a wide grin on his face.

Jesus, he looks fuckable.

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