Page 96 of Then Came You

“You’re right. You shouldn’t.” With that, I hang up.

I know my son too well. He’ll call back in three seconds flat.

I fold my arms and wait. Like clockwork, his photo of me and him at axe throwing flashes on my screen. I slide to receive the call.

“You don’t have to be a cunt about it.”

“I could say the same thing,” I reply, fishing for a spoon from the top drawer.

“How is she?” He almost whispers it as if he doesn’t want anyone hearing. I suspect he’s either with Avalon or Cindy.

“Not good. She’s all alone. She has no one left. She has just lost her last family member, and honestly, I’m scared for her.”

“She has you,” he retorts with a snort.

"Yeah, she does. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. But I can’t make up her whole world."

“I don’t know what you want from me?” He is frustrated, and I can hear he’s walked outside because of the gust of wind in the background.

“I’m not going to tell you to do something. I know you’re mad, and I know you’re hurt, but if you have any ounce of love for Row, and you can see yourself forgiving her, then make yourself seen during this time, because I can promise you, Zee, you’ll have regrets.”

I don’t know if my monologue has had any effect on him, but I pray I’ve raised him better than this.

“Are you with her?”

“Yes.”

“Are you planning on being with her?”

“Yes.”

I can’t and won’t lie to my son. I’ve already done enough damage with the lies I’ve kept.

More silence.

I’m going to need to be resuscitated myself if I hold my breath any longer.

“I need to know when you met Row. Was it before or after Haven’s birthday?”

This was my chance to be completely truthful.

“I met Tink at the beginning of the year randomly. We literally bumped into each other at a coffee shop. I was transfixed from the second I saw her. She was the most unexpected wish I’d wanted for so long. I thought I’d never see her again, and then she surprised me and gave me her card for the hairdresser. I went every Thursday to get my hair done for months. We just fit.” I smile as I remember all the hiccups along the way.

“Why did you lie to me? Why did you both lie? You both had every chance to come clean. Haven’s birthday. The hospital. The job. Every time we were all in the same room together. The ball. You and I are father and son, I see and trust you more than anyone, and you had ample opportunity.” He explodes. His decibel is so loud, I need to remove the phone away from my ear.

At the exact moment Zee is sprouting off, Row chooses to enter the kitchen.

There’s no way she didn’t hear part of Zee berating us.

“Xan?” she mouths. I nod, passing her the plate of Weetabix. She crinkles her mouth. “Just try it,” I mouth back before returning my attention back to Zee.

“Zee, I can’t tell you why we made the choices we did that would make sense to you. There were so many things. I think Tink was shocked and panicked when she saw you at Haven’s. I never showed pictures of you, but I did speak about you. I call you Zee, so she never put two and two together. I had no idea Tink was your Row. Then after the party, I distanced myself because of you. I swear we ended things. I hired her, she did her job, and then she got hurt, and even still we fought it. We didn’t…give in.” I choose my words very carefully because I now have two people critiquing every word, one of which is emotional and vulnerable, having just lost her last relative. “Until the ball. We wanted to tell you but then you had exams, and we had the big Light the Night. We were going to tell you after, but we never got there.”

“All I’m hearing is you lied to me for months. I’m not okay with that. You chose Row over me. You’re still choosing Row over me.”

Row gasps, her eyes getting wet again. This is the last thing she ever wanted to happen.

“Zee, I’m not choosing anyone over anyone. I love you more than life itself, but I am in love with Row, and I choose her as my partner. I am in love with her, like I love you. It feels eternal. I don’t want to hurt you, son, but this is what it is. You can hate me. You can cut me out of your life. I will live with that if I have to, even if it kills me, but I’m never going to stop loving you, or her. Now, I’m happy to have this conversation with you time and time again, and answer any and every one of your questions, but right now, we need to set it all aside for Tink.”

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