Page 10 of Adrift

Darian sighs before sitting on his chair and lifting his cap off his head. He runs a hand through his thick dark hair before putting his cap back on and turning to me. His eyes look weary, as if he hasn’t had a full night of sleep in years. “She fell a couple of days ago and passed out for a few minutes.”

“What!” My eyes are saucers as they bore into him.

“Yeah. Thank goodness she wasn’t with Arman at the time. My dad was there to drive her to the emergency room, but it was quite a scare.”

My heart speeds up at the thought of Karine being sick. I suppose since my sister’s death, I tend to jump to the worst conclusions and have the worst thoughts when something like this affects someone I care about. “Oh gosh. She never said anything to me about it in her messages. Is she okay now? What did the doctors say?”

“They said her blood pressure dropped somehow, so they increased her medication. But then, just two days ago, she had a full work-up done, and they’ve increased her osteoporosis medication, too.” He runs his hand over the stubble on his jaw and the movement alone almost makes me forget what we were even talking about. “It’s just . . . I know taking care of a one-year-old isn’t easy for her. She may act like she’s still in her thirties with great health, but she’s not. I need to look for a nanny to take care of him so my mom can go back to being his grandma instead of his full-time caretaker and focus on herself.”

I search his face for a moment. “How do you feel about that? Leaving Arman with a nanny?”

Darian puffs out an incredulous laugh, and I immediately regret asking the question, knowing I’ve hit a nerve. “It’s not like I have much of a choice in the matter, Rani. Both my brothers are busy with their jobs, and I don’t have any other family around to help.” His eyes land on the picture of my nephew on his desk, and my heart immediately launches toward him. I can see how much this is wearing on him. “I still have to run this place; I still have to provide for him.”

“I know,” I whisper, looking down at my hands on my lap, wishing I lived closer. “I wasn’t trying to offend you with that question.”

His shoulders sag. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a defensive prick. This wasn’t how it was all supposed to be, you know? Sonia and I decided that she’d stop coming into work after Arman was born. She was supposed to just maintain the website and run ads and campaigns from home while she took care of the baby. She was supposed to raise him with me. We were supposed to be in this together. And not having her . . ..” I watch his Adam’s apple bob and a pang of sadness spears my chest. “Not having her is just something I never considered.”

“I know,” I repeat in a shaky whisper. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth to keep it from trembling and get off my seat to move toward him.

I can’t not.

He’s broken.

Broken and hurt. Even after a year, he’s still reeling from the loss of my sister. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on him–having been left with a newborn without the companionship of his partner.

Darian tracks my movement toward him and his body tenses slightly. I get on my knees in front of him–similar to the way he did moments ago for me–before picking up his hand with my good one and gently placing my wrapped one on top of it. “I can’t fathom how you’ve managed it all practically on your own, Darian. With a newborn at home as soon as you got back from the funeral . . . well, I can’t imagine you even had a chance to grieve properly.”

He contemplates our connected hands, lost in his thoughts. “What alternative did I have? What other choice do I have now?”

God, I want to hug this man. This man, who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. They may be broad, but I imagine that even they get tired, even they can collapse.

The words escape me before I even have a chance to think about them. My heart and mind battle to decide if I’ve said the right thing–if I even know what I’m doing–but they’re too late. They’re too late because my mouth has already made the decision for me. “You do have another choice.”

His eyes–dark centers with a rich cappuccino-brown around them–search mine like he’s trying to solve a puzzle without any clues. “Oh really? And what is it?”

“Me.”

Chapter Four

Rani

“Wait, don’t say a single word until I’ve filled up the gas in my car and can get back in to listen to this whole story.” Standing with her driver’s side door open, Melody leans in to make eye contact with me in the passenger seat. Her box braids swing over her shoulder before she flips them to her back. She looks in the backseat at Bella, who’s chewing her thumbnail as if it were a fruit rollup. “Don’t let her speak. I need to hear every word of this.”

Bella nods at her so strenuously, her head is at risk of toppling off. I don’t blame her. Almost everyone I know, including me, is a little scared of my best friend. She has never hurt a fly. Never. But could she? You better fucking believe she could. If she wanted to, she’d probably make that fly suffer, only to die a prolonged and painful death.

So, it’s best just to nod and safeguard your life.

Five minutes later, we’re back on I-80, driving toward the East Bay. All of us quietly take in the scenery–the serene, majestic green mountains touching the bright blue, late afternoon sky. It’s picturesque and transcendental. So much so, that for almost those five whole minutes, I forget that my best friend is waiting for me to speak and glancing at my profile every few seconds from the driver’s seat.

I sigh, doubt creeping up inside me. “I don’t know. Maybe I got a little caught up in the moment and made an impulsive decision. Maybe this is all a bad idea. I mean, I don’t even know this man.” I look down at my wrapped hand as thorns of doubt prick my body.

He seems nice. He helped me in the river without batting an eye and then cared for me when my wrist was hurt. Sure, it was part of his job, but there was a bit more sincerity to it, too. I could feel it.

And now he needs help.

At the end of the day, I’m family. Arman is my family, and I can’t just sit on the sidelines and not help when he needs me the most. That little boy is so precious, he deserves to have someone who loves him take care of him instead of someone who’s just doing it as a job.

But now that I have a bit more separation from the situation, little seeds of doubt seem to keep sprouting.

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