Page 103 of Adrift

Sonia: I’ve decided to tell Darian. It’s not something I can keep from him any longer, and I think it’s about time we face the consequences, don’t you? I think you should tell Em. She’ll find out soon, anyway.

But the more I stare at it, the more I realize that my wishful thinking was just that–wishful. This text, Ryan’s searing words, and Rani’s decision to withhold something so crucial is not fiction at all. It’s all real life. My real life.

Dean runs a hand over his mouth, processing everything as Garrett gives me a look I can only decipher as empathy. They realize, as I do, that the text is not just a confirmation of Sonia’s sins, but Ryan’s as well. Sonia was one of the few who called Emily, Em.

My hands tremble again with the weight of Rani’s phone, and I look to my brothers as a chill settles into my bones. “Can you give Rani and me some privacy? I’ll talk to you both a little later.”

They both nod somberly. “We’ll be outside, helping clean up.”

Rani takes a step forward to comfort me as soon as my office door closes, but I lift my hand, halting her. I put her phone on my desk but can’t take my eyes off it. I don’t even know how my life just went from smelling like lilies to reeking of betrayal. I ball my hand in a fist to keep from screaming or crying or throwing something.

First Sonia and now Rani?

“You’ve had that text from her since before you came here.” I don’t even recognize the ice in my voice. I refuse to meet her gaze, preferring the image on the corner of my desk. I refuse to be sucked into her shallow promise to be by my side, to ‘figure it out together.’ Because if we were together in this, she would have told me about the text a long fucking time ago. Way before my life imploded on me.

“Darian.”

“No.” My eyes snap to hers. “You don’t get to use my name to stop me from speaking or to tell me I’m being ridiculous, because I’m not, Rani. I just need to know why? Why didn’t you tell me about the text before?”

Her eyes sharpen at the same time as they pool. The frown on her face ascends to settle between her brows. “If you think for even a second that I hid the text from you to hurt you or betray you, then you don’t know me at all. You’re–”

“You’re right. It looks like I don’t know you. Just like I didn’t know your sister. God knows I spent ten years with the woman and didn’t know her, so how can I trust myself to know you after just a summer? I can’t.”

She scoffs as the dam in her eyes bursts and two identical tears run down her face, setting her cheeks aflame. “Wow. Well, clearly, you think you have me all figured out. At least the version of me that makes sense in all this. The version of me you can blame for the mess my sister and her dirty little secret left in your life. And if that’s what gives you peace–for me to be a convenient scapegoat–then I’ll let you have it.” She wipes at her cheek angrily. “But you’re a selfish bastard for thinking you’re the only one hurt today, because newsflash, Darian, you’re not. Because, ultimately, your lack of faith in me means we’re done, doesn’t it? And if that’s the case, then that means I don’t just lose once, I lose twice. I lose two people I’ve fallen in love with.”

“You’ll always have your relationship with Arman; I would never take that away,” I state curtly, though the constriction inside my chest threatens to bowl me over.

She gives me a single nod, her chest heaving. “And what about you? What will I have with you?”

I want to respond but the pain inside my chest is too much to bear. I’m so fucking confused, I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t move.

My heart tells me to rush to her, to grab hold of her and tell her that I’m being irrational. To tell her to forgive me because I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t know what’s good for him, even when she’s standing right in front of him. But my head keeps my body locked. It tells me I’ve trusted too easily and have been burned too badly. So fucking badly. It tells me I can’t possibly trust someone I’ve only known for a summer when the person I loved for a decade betrayed me so viscerally.

Can I?

Rani waits another minute before she seemingly comes to a resolution at my silence. Her nostrils flare as she picks up her phone and camera off my desk before heading to the door. She looks at me over her shoulder. “If you stopped thinking about yourself for just one second, you’d know why I did it, Darian. Because of love, loyalty, and a sense of protection so deep, I’d throw myself in the line of fire for you. That’s why I chose not to tell you. But if you can’t see that, then you’ve purposely blinded yourself.”

She pulls the door open, stepping out.

“Rani, wait.” My heart screams, overriding my head, but my legs won’t let me go after her.

It doesn’t matter anyway, because my voice is cut off with the bang of the door as she whisks out of my office. And, for the first time in a long time, not only do I feel truly alone, but I feel like a complete and utter failure.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Rani

You’re right. It looks like I don’t know you.

I wipe my face furiously with the back of my hand but it does nothing to cease the flow of fresh tears that replace them. I rush toward the exit, completely oblivious to the staff and volunteers around me. My heart feels like a defunct appendage inside my chest, doing nothing but encumbering my strides.

You’re right. It looks like I don’t know you.

He doesn’t know me? He doesn’t know the person who has done nothing but be there for him in every way possible from the moment she met him? He doesn’t know the woman who has loved his son like her very own–who would do anything for him, come hell or high water? He doesn’t know this fucking heartbroken girl who gave him not only her body but her heart and soul?

He doesn’t know me?

Then what the fuck does he know?

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