Page 107 of Adrift

Perhaps Sonia’s words had some truth to them after all. Perhaps I wasn’t ever meant to make someone else happy.

My eyes flip open inside the empty dark room when a buzzing resounds next to me. It’s when I pick up my phone that I notice the time. Seven-forty-two. I’d dozed off for two hours at least and missed a dozen phone calls and messages.

Seeing three missed calls from my mom–probably wondering when I’ll pick Arman up–and a couple more from my brothers, I scroll past their respective texts to find the one I was hoping for. The one I was waiting for.

Rani: Hey. I just got home. I didn’t want to talk while I was driving and I think we both needed the time to think. Plus, I promised you I’d never avoid you, so I wanted to make sure I responded to your voicemail and messages.

Rani: I get why you jumped to the conclusion that I’d betrayed you just like my sister did. I can’t begin to understand the pain you must have felt today when you found out. But I guess I believed you’d know I was different . . .. I believed you’d know I would never do anything to jeopardize your happiness.

I read the message and type out my response with so much speed, I’m surprised my thumbs aren’t battery-powered. I try not to linger on the word home. Where she is now is no longer her home in my opinion. This is the only home she belongs in.

Me: I do know that, sweetheart. Believe me, I know that. I just needed to wrap my head around everything.

Rani: I understand.

My heart lifts in my chest and I finally take in a steadying breath. She understands.

She understands!

Me: Will you please talk to me? Will you please come back?

Minutes stroll by as I wait for her response, the same foreboding feeling pulling me back into a familiar abyss. If she wanted to come back home, wouldn’t she have answered by now? I’m just about to call her when my phone buzzes again.

Rani: We’ll talk one day when we’re both ready. Thank you for everything, Darian. Thank you for letting me spend the summer with my nephew and for showing me the strong woman who was hiding inside me. The one I’ve always wanted to be. I owe that all to you.

No!

My eyes cloud and the phone shakes in my hand as I type another message. I can’t tell if the floor is wobbling or if that’s just the way my heart is hammering, sending my entire body into a tremble.

Me: Please, baby . . .. Please don’t do this.

But of course, my texts go unanswered after that.

Chapter Forty

Darian

Me: I know we haven’t spoken in quite some time, but you should know that I’m unapologetically in love with your daughter. My son and I love her with every fiber in our being, and if you care for her happiness even a little bit, you’ll have her answer the door when we ring the bell in the next ten minutes.

I send out the message as I wait at the gas station for the tank to fill. I don’t expect a response. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she responded with a middle finger emoji or worse, a lie in the form of “she’s not home.”

I know Rani’s home. I know it because I got her best friend Melody’s number from our school database–unethical, I know, but I don’t care–and texted her to do some sleuthing for me. She wrote back saying Rani hasn’t left her house since she got back yesterday.

There was no way I was going to spend more than a night without my girl by my side. No fucking way. I don’t care that her text said we’ll talk when we’re both ready, because I know in her heart that isn’t what she wants. In her heart, she can’t live without me . . . just like I can’t live without her.

So, after getting Arman ready this morning, I put him in his car seat and drove straight to find her and bring her back where she belongs–to our home.

Arman’s asleep in his car seat when I get back in, but he stirs awake when I close the car door. I catch him gazing out of the car window in a daze before he yawns with a little squeak at the end.

“You ready to bring your masee back home, little man?”

Arman smiles at me, his recognition for my words catching my eyes in the rearview mirror. “Mas.”

Pulling into the address I’ve only been to once, many years ago when Sonia brought me to meet her parents, I swallow my nerves. That first meeting didn’t go as well as we’d hoped–Sonia’s mom practically threw us out, calling me a ‘good for nothing junkie’ and an ‘uneducated piece of trash’–so I’m praying this one ends on a better note. I don’t give two shits about what her mother thinks of me, though. The only woman I’m here for is the woman who’s every opinion matters to me.

I’m just pulling Arman out of the car when my phone vibrates with a text.

Rani’s Batshit-Crazy Mom: Okay.

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