Page 79 of Adrift

I press a kiss on her forehead. “I’m wondering if you’re sore.”

She hums. “A little, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

I tangle our fingers in front of us, bringing our hands to my mouth. “Not that I want to talk about any men in your past, but I’m a little curious . . ..”

“Curious about why I was still a virgin until last night?”

I nod and I think she can feel the movement.

She’s silent for a few moments. “There was this guy named Patrick I met through the school journalism club during eleventh grade. At first we were just friends, but we ended up hanging out as the year progressed and eventually, we dated but . . . not publicly. He wanted to keep things quiet about us.”

A twinge of pain and guilt pinches me between my ribs. Isn’t that what I’m doing?

“After a little over a year of messing around, he was insistent that we have sex.” After a pause, she continues, “But something in my gut just didn’t let me take that step. My best friend Melody, and my cousin Bella, were the only ones who knew about us and they hated that he wouldn’t acknowledge me in front of other people, but I don’t know . . ..”

I squeeze her hand, urging her to continue.

She takes in a breath. “It wasn’t easy for me to get attention from men, Darian. I didn’t fit the perfect model-sized mold. I still don’t, clearly, and I’ve had plenty of people remind me of that. There was an especially cruel girl named Ruby Mallory, who took every chance she could to call me shitty names.” I feel her raise her chin. “I’ve eliminated a fair amount of negative people from my life since high school,” she chuckles without any humor, “save for my mom.”

I interject before she can move on. “Rani?”

“Yeah?” she whispers.

“You haven’t just had my full attention since the day you showed up in my life; you’ve had me fucking bewitched.”

I know she’s pleased, though she doesn’t acknowledge my words. “I guess I just wanted to feel special, to be with someone, even if it meant being his dirty little secret. So, I made peace with it, whether my friends approved or not.” I see the whites of her eyes again as her breath fans my face. “I promised Patrick we’d have sex on prom night, and he booked a hotel room.”

“So you went to prom with him?”

She huffs out another mirthless laugh. “Not technically, no. He told me he wasn’t taking anyone, that he and his friends had decided to go stag. So I assumed we’d just find a chance to dance there, and then we’d meet each other at the hotel afterward.”

“I’m not going to like the rest of this, am I?”

She clears her throat. “It was a strange evening . . .. We hadn’t danced together, not once, and I noticed he was gone for a while, though his friends were still around. So, I went looking for him.”

My chest aches with that foreboding feeling. I already know what she’s going to tell me before she says it. This guy seems like the biggest asshole known to man and if I ever fucking have the misfortune of meeting him, I hope to show him what his face looks like with a few teeth knocked out.

“And I found him.” Another pause, like she’s reliving the moment. “In the ladies bathroom, with his dick inside Ruby Mallory.”

I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head under my chin. “Don’t be. I’m not. Not anymore, at least. That, along with Sonia’s death, were catalysts for my change in perspective.”

I pull back from her, still running my hand through her curls. “How so with Sonia?”

She lifts her shoulder. “It taught me not to wait for tomorrow; that I need to find my happiness today.”

I lean in to kiss her. “You asked me what I was thinking about earlier.” I feel her nod. “It was along the same lines.”

She waits for me to finish.

“I want to be all-in.”

“What does that mean?”

I pull her bottom lip into my mouth again. It’s so plump, I want to suck on it for hours. “I don’t want to hide from this. I don’t care to keep us hidden.”

“What made you change your mind? My prowess in bed?” She giggles, making light of the question I know she’s genuinely curious about.

---