Page 91 of Ablaze

I think about where she might be. Definitely heaven, if there is such a thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was delivered to its pearly gates on a rainbow or maybe she flew up on a cloud.

“Hey, Grams,” I start and clear my throat. “I’ll try not to talk your ear off like I’m sure Garrett did. But . . .” I swallow through the thick building inside my throat. “Fuck, I’m going to miss you. And yeah, you’re probably pursing your lips at me for cursing, but I’m not apologizing for it.”

My vision blurs and my hand shakes under hers. “I’m going to miss you, Grams.”

I wipe my eyes with my thumb. “I didn’t say it enough, but I hope you know you meant the world to me. You set the bar so high, no one even comes close.” I pause, chuckling mirthlessly. “Well, there’s someone but . . . I think I fucked that up. And now she’s gone, too.”

My chin wobbles as I think of all the chats we had, all the summers I spent with her, and everything she taught me, from knotting a tie to baking a cake. “Who’s going to tell me to get my head out of my ass now, Grams? Who’s going to make me laugh and say the things I need to hear, even if I don’t want to? Who’s going to listen to all my nonsense?”

I shake my head. “No one, because no one can take your place, and no one ever will.” A tear lands on her hand when I bend down to press a kiss to the back of it. “I love you, beautiful. From one end of the rainbow to another. Immeasurably.”

Sniffling, I get up and wipe my eyes again before taking one more look at her. I’m just stepping out of her room when I follow Garrett’s gaze to the end of the hall, and my heart stalls.

Mala’s puffy red eyes stare back at me and before I even know what I’m doing, I’m rushing over to her.

Is she really fucking here?

She runs to meet me halfway, wrapping her arms around my neck and, for the first time all day, I allow myself to break down. I’d been holding it all in, keeping everything bottled inside like a fucking carbonated drink, ready to burst.

I didn’t know how much I needed to see her.

Her.

Only her arms. Only her soft skin.

Only her whispered words.

Just her.

There’s not another person in the world I want more.

My shoulders shake and my legs feel weak as I sob into her neck. I pull her flush with my body and she arches her back, holding me the way I’m holding her.

Her fingers tangle in my hair. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry.” Her breath grazes the shell of my ear, and her hoarse voice has me tightening my arms around her. “I know how much she meant to you. She knew it, too. She loved you so much.”

I mumble against her neck. “She’s fucking gone, Mala. Just gone.”

Mala’s lips brush over the side of my face. “I know. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.”

My sobs finally quell but my chest still heaves. I pull back from her even though my body protests, and finally take her in. She’s wearing that same dark skirt and black fishnet pantyhose from the day I saw her get into the car at her apartment. She’s paired them with heeled shoes and a silvery gray blouse. And instead of the bun I’m used to at the top of her head, her hair flows down in a shiny curtain over her shoulders.

I love it and fucking hate it.

I clear my throat. “How did you . . .?”

“You told the chief, and he told Rohan . . .” She touches the burn mark on her wrist, and I notice she’s still wearing her leather strap. When she looks back at me, there’s vulnerability in her eyes, like she suddenly doesn’t know if she should be here. “I didn’t really think. I just took the first flight. I can stay at a hotel–”

“Why?” My nostrils flare and I hate how every one of my emotions feels jumbled. “Your boyfriend not okay with you staying with me?

Pain shines through her eyes, and I know she wants to snap back at me, but then she looks over my shoulder to where Grams’ room is and her shoulders sink. “No, Dean. I just didn’t think you’d want me close.”

“Why?” I grit out, knowing damn well I’m hedging for a fight. I just don’t know why. “Why wouldn’t you think I’d want you near me?”

She raises her arms and slams them at her side, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Um, I don’t know, Dean. Maybe because you haven’t talked to me in months. Maybe because everything feels different between us now.”

I step in closer to her, towering over her. “Everything is fucking different between us–”

“You know what, Dean?” She huffs out a breath. “This isn’t what I came here to do. I’m here because of you. For you. I knew you were hurting, and I wanted to be here.”

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