Page 64 of Ablaze

We may not have been great friends, but we’d gotten to know each other while she worked here. Even though Dean denied it every time I asked, I also knew Jessie didn’t love my relationship with him. But I’m grateful she never stopped us from hanging out or created unnecessary drama. And if she did give Dean a hard time about it, at least she never made it obvious to me.

It’s more than I can say for the way my ex handled my friendship with Dean . . .

Jessie’s chin wobbles before she places the heels of her palms to her eyes, resting her elbows on the table. “I’m still so confused about everything, ya know? I thought we were like two pigs in mud, doin’ better than we’d ever done. But it’s like he woke up one day and realized things I wasn’t privy to.” She releases her face, focusing on me. “Ya know, I was thinkin’ back to the night y’all came back from visitin’ Jane. I felt this change in him . . . He was different. We were different.”

I try to recall the night at Jane’s house. Dean was quieter than usual on the ride back, but I didn’t think much of it. He always seems to reflect more and get lost in old memories of Zander whenever he visits Jane, so I figured it was the same that night.

Jessie pulls her hands off her face before blowing her bangs off her forehead. “Did somethin’ happen there?”

I shake my head. “No. I was trying to recall, but I don’t think so . . .”

Nodding, Jessie sniffles. “Well, then it has to be what I’ve been suspectin’.”

“What?” I shift in my seat.

“He’s in love with someone else.”

I reel back. “What? No, that can’t–”

“I heard him on the phone this mornin’, Mala. I was at the grocery store, and I heard him tellin’ someone that he was gonna tell her how he felt. That he was waitin’ the past two months out of respect for me, but that he’d waited long enough and he needed her to know he had feelin’s for her.” She takes a shaky breath. “I don’t know who this her is, but I definitely heard enough to know he’s serious about her.”

“What?” I whisper again, all the gears latching and turning inside my head like a watch.

She sniffles again, wiping her nose with a worn tissue she pulls out of her pocket, being careful around her nose ring. “It’s just that all this makes about as much sense as tits on a bull, ya know? Not once in all the time we were together did he tell me he loved me or that he thought we had a future. I know most people think I was as blind as a bat for stayin’ with a man who couldn’t offer me his love or his future, but I was okay with it.”

She presses her lips together and her ache pools inside her lids again. “I thought that if I had enough love for the both of us, it would all work out. Sure, I pestered him about future plans–what girl wouldn’t?–but I was happy with whatever he could give me. But to hear he all of a sudden has feelins for someone else? Like, what the fuck? Excuse my French.”

I place a hand over hers. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I had no idea.”

I’m as shocked as she is. I’ve hung out with Dean several times over the past couple of months. I’d gone over there to make sure he was okay the day after they broke up–we even made a snowman out in his backyard–but he never told me anything about having feelings for another woman.

Maybe he was ashamed to, given he’d just broken up with Jessie? Maybe he thought I’d judge him for it?

Who’s this girl he’s already moving on to, anyway?

Jessie shakes her head, taking her hand out of my grasp. “It’s not your fault. I mean, it’s not like he was talkin’ ‘bout you.” She chuckles as if the idea is preposterous, oblivious to the constriction she just caused inside my chest. “I mean, we’ve broken up about as many times as there are Sundays in a year, and you’ve been here the whole time. If he thought of you as anythin’ more than a little sister or a good friend, he’s had years to tell ya.” She wipes her wet lashes with her tissue. “I just don’t know who it could be. I figured maybe I’d come here and see if you knew.”

I shake my head, hoping she doesn’t see how my heart is lodged inside my throat.

She’s right.

Every word out of her mouth, however oblivious to my feelings, is right.

I have been here the whole time. Waiting. Pining. Yearning.

And for what?

What the hell has it gotten me? And now, not even two months after he breaks up with her–as he claims, for good–he’s already moved on to someone else? Someone he’s developed feelings for?

Wow. Just wow.

She’s right that it wouldn’t be me. If it was, wouldn’t he have told me already? Moreover, I still remember what he said all those years ago. “Nothing can happen between us. Ever.”

Jessie continues speaking, but I’m barely listening. “Honest to God, I was doin’ better the past month, you know, with everything. I was fixin’ to get over him and was done bein’ pitiful. And then I saw him at the grocery store this mornin’ and just like that, I was back to actin’ like a fool, followin’ him like a damn stalker. He had no clue, of course. No clue he was breakin’ my heart all over again.”

I nod absently. It seems the only person Dean has a clue about, is himself.

The dam threatens to break, and I blink away any impending tears, trying to keep myself together.

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