Page 10 of For Your Heart
“Hung?”
Possibly?Glancing at the door that he disappeared into, I try to think if I’ve ever noticed more than just a hint before. Like I’ve really been in any state of mind to be checking out someone’s junk. Eventually, I might have taken a look. Hell, maybe I should have when he was running next to me.
Declan sighs and I feel him slip away, back into the hollows of his mind.Eat, I remind him when I feel the twinge of hunger that I know isn’t coming from me. Wait, it’s not, is it? Taking a momentary internal inventory, I decide that it’s not. So again, I urgeeatuntil he responds. There’s a flash of a sandwich and then he’s distant again.
Lost in himself. Miserable.
My chest aches all the more and I stop, bending over with my hands on my knees. It’s bad enough to feel my own misery, but feeling my brother’s also is too much. Fresh anger sweeps through me, and I use that energy to continue around the track.
It does nothing to satisfy my pent up energy or my desire to physically cause pain to Stommer for doing this to us, but it keeps me going until the manager waves me in. That means I’m here past hours and I should have clocked out.
Jogging over to my manager, I accept the towel he offers me and wipe my face.
“I didn’t realize you’re a dedicated runner,” he says.
I huff. “I’m not. Sometimes I just want my muscles to scream at me for making them do something they hate.”
He laughs. “Fair enough. But you’ve been working those muscles all day. Clock out and go home, Damon.”
I nod. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to stay late.”
His eyes are studying me, and I hold my breath. I’ve kept my emotions from leaking into my interactions, right? Please tell me I’ve done that!
“You okay?”
Sighing, I nod. “Just tired.”
“Get some sleep. We’ll see you in the morning.”
As if it were that simple. I nod and move past him through the door. When I walk into the locker room, I strip out of my sweaty clothes and grab my towel and body wash shampoo all-in-one. I’m the only one in here, so it’s just me and the spray of water as I stand under it. Letting it wash away the first layer of sweat.
After a few minutes, I wash, but the movements feel too much and I’m catching my breath. Until recently, I never showered alone. Simon and Declan were always right there. Pressed into the too-tight area.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to stop the shallow breaths that come in quick puffs. My hands clench and unclench over and over, shaking as if I can’t control my muscles to keep them still. I lean my shoulder against the wall so I don’t fall. The world spins for a second, and I focus solely on breathing for a moment.
It takes a minute to pass. The world spins, so I slowly sink down until I’m crouched against the cold tile. Concentrating on Simon makes it worse, because I know he’s not here. He won’t be at home. He’s not going to answer our calls.
So I focus on my brother instead. I need to be okay for him. I need to be able to get home to him.
“Damon.”
The feeling of his voice in my head finally allows me to take a full breath. Fuck, what the hell is this bullshit?
“Are you home?” I whisper.
It feels like there’s a weird fluttering of confusion inside my head before he agrees.
Wiping my hand over my face, I stand and then hold still for a minute. Am I okay? Am I going to face-plant? No, I’m okay. It’s all good.
Making sure the soap is off me, I turn off the water and half-heartedly dry before slipping into clean clothes. The ride home is too far today, though it’s only a few miles. I practically run up the stairs and shove open the door.
I look around as if Simon will pop up from behind the couch. My chest gets tight when I remember that he’s not here. He’s not going to be here.
Declan’s in front of me then. He pulls me inside and shuts the door behind me before wrapping his arms around my waist. But he pulls back a second later and yanks my shirt up until it’s off. Then we twine around each other again.
Now skin to skin, there’s a sense of calm that tries to wash over us. Like we’re back to how we were when we grew at the beginning of our lives while we became people instead of tadpoles. There are ultrasounds that show us just like this. I’m convinced that it’s how we came into this life and it’s how we’ll leave it.
Our hearts wildly skip around eventually finding the exact rhythm together and slowing to what’s normal. His fingers dig into my back.
