Page 11 of For Your Heart
“I’m so tired,” he whispers.
“I panicked in the shower,” I say.
His arms tighten. “I know. I felt it too.”
Of course he did. We feel everything together.
“I have sleep aids,” I say. It’s just over-the-counter shit, but right now, I’m so fucking tired that it’s making me dizzy.
“Yeah,” Declan agrees.
He doesn’t let me go, so I move us around while I kick off my shoes and lock the door behind us. There aren’t any lights on, so I shove us in the direction of our room and we stumble, but our grips don’t loosen.
We stop in the bathroom and stand under the stream of the shower together again. I’m still not dry from the one I took at the gym, but I think I also still have soap in my hair. We’re still leaning against each other, not speaking, just letting our bodies sync and calm the fuck down.
When we fall into bed shortly after, we each down two mouthfuls of whatever nighttime sleep shit I picked up. Then we wrap around each other until we might as well be a single person. Sleep doesn’t take us right away. There’s a few minutes when I think that even that isn’t going to help. Maybe we need more. Maybe we need prescription strength.
Maybe we just need Simon to come home.
I’m not sure if that’s Declan’s thought or my own. It was probably both.
That’s the thought we finally fall to sleep with. Our dreams are filled with Simon.
* * *
The next fewdays are the same thing. My life feels repetitive, but not in the way I used to enjoy. Repetition was always something that I drew comfort in. I enjoyed knowing what to expect every day. Where I was supposed to be and when I’d be with Simon and Declan again.
Our times apart were never long, but it was long enough to make me itch. To feel a little lost and like something was missing. My fingers twitched, constantly reaching out for who wasn’t there.
Before it became unbearable, we’d be together again. The relief of that feeling, how it swept over my entire body, was nothing short of euphoric. I’d always known that we’d be together. That we belonged together, the three of us. After short times apart, the liberation that came from finally wrapping our bodies into one only solidified that.
We were always meant to be three.
Everything inside me feels too tight to bear now. Nothing fits. Everything just wants to come undone. Unravel. Being with Declan after a long day on my own now only takes the edge off. We are still incomplete. Still missing half of us. Declan and I aren’t a third of three. We made an entire half together. We are two people who were always meant to be one. Simon is our answering half.
Work is a decent escape to an extent. The clients force me to focus on anything other than Simon. On something other than how my brother is falling more and more into the darkest recesses of his mind. And fuck, something other than how fucking tired I am. The sleep aids work for four hours but after that, it is still hit and miss.
Rossi is always watching me. I can feel him, the way his eyes are constantly trained on me. Tracking my movements. The desire in him that I’d obviously missed before since I was too angry to notice. I’m still furious, still plotting torture and murder, but now I can see what I didn’t pay attention to before.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not considering it. Not that I’ve been interested in sex much since we’ve been fighting with Simon. The unease in my world seems to have shot my libido. But now that Rossi’s brought it up? My cock remembers that it’s being neglected.
By Thursday, I’m seriously contemplating whether it’s a good idea. Not only is he my coworker, but he’s a nice guy. I’m not the kind of guy nice guys should get involved with at all. Not before our fall out with Simon and surely not now.
His promise forjust sexis going to backfire. I know that. Everything in me knows that.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t seriously attracted to him. He’s got a big body, bigger than me, stronger than me, and I want to render him helpless as I feed him pleasure.
There it is. My dick is fucking happy with that idea.
Sighing, I turn away so that my back is to him. This is almost worse because I can practically feel the way he’s looking at me.
I’m going to fuck this guy,I tell Declan.
“The puppy?”
Chuckling, I nod. He feels it. He feels everything.
With the decision made, I try with a lot of extra effort to push away the anger that simmers just under the surface. My cock stays half hard throughout the rest of the day. For the first time, I’m trying to pay attention to Rossi without actually doing so. It’s difficult to keep tabs on someone and still focus on work.
