Page 114 of For Your Heart
Breakfast isquiet as Declan and I mentally confer about how we’re going to approach this subject. Getting Stommer on board was surprisingly easy. I hate how easy he is when it comes to Simon. I mean, I love it. It makes this custody arrangement easier to have him so supportive and accommodating. But it just shoves in our faces how much our hatred for him is unjustified.
Are we ever going to stop hating him? It’s a little exhausting.
“Yes. And I also hate the idea that I’ll stop hating him one day.”
I know Simon will be on board with our plan too. It’s Sage and Zarek I’m not so sure about. Simon and Zarek look like they’re getting along a lot better since they cooked breakfast together. I’ve been staring in wonderment at the way the two are caught up in conversation about some ideas Simon has for his job.
He explains what he has planned, and as if Zarek can’t help himself, he goes into actuary mode and starts rattling off random statistics and risk factors for different scenarios. Sage stares in awe at the way Zarek talks numbers and shit. Declan looks like a proud daddy while Stommer continues to eat in silence, watching it all with a very pleased smile.
Their conversation carries us through breakfast and clean up. Our condo isn’t small, but I love the closeness that we’re kind of forced into when we’re all together like this. I really even kind of appreciate that Stommer is there when we all pile into the living room, so Simon has someone to cuddle with.
I want to touch him. I want him between me and my brother, where he’s always supposed to be. But I also feel this new need that’s only filled with Sage.
Zarek and Simon continue to talk about it for a while, and the rest of us watch fondly. The way Simon looks at him is so sweet that I know a piece of me loves him a little more for it.
Eventually, the conversation lulls and we’re left in comfortable silence. I glance at my brother and he nods.
“So, we want to talk to you about something,” I say.
“We as in the hive mind?” Simon asks.
Sage giggles. My big wiggly puppygiggles!I kiss him because the sound is so fucking cute.
“Yes,” Declan says. He shifts on the couch so Zarek is facing him. If I’m being honest, I think even Sage will be okay with this. Zarek is going to need convincing. Either way, I start because I need Declan to just concentrate on Zarek.
“So we’re all on the same page, I’m going to backtrack a little for the group’s benefit. While I know I’m in my brother’s head, I can’t even tell you how hard it is to remember whose conversation belongs to whom. So while I know these words have been said, and the topic discussed, I’m a little unclear on the details of who was on the other end.”
“That’s weird as fuck,” Zarek says, smirking.
“Just try living with it,” I say.
“Don’t,” Declan says. “You’ll find you’re turned on by kinks you don’t even have.”
Simon laughs. The sound is so light and free that I grin. Fuck, hearing him laugh again is everything.
“So, since we were kids, we’ve always had a plan for our future. That plan has always been the three of us. Always. I know you imagine a romantic and sexual role in what I just said, but no matter what age we discussed this, those aspects were always overlooked,” I say. Sage smiles a little, and I’d really like to be in his head right now. Already I can see the way Zarek is staring at Declan, tension in his shoulders. The way he’s already trying to pull back a little. Declan doesn’t let him.
“We wanted to be together. Because we love being together. Our relationship isn’t as complicated as it looks from the outside. We’re whole together and it’s physically a pain in the fucking chest when we’re apart.” Sage nods. “We’ve never thought about what a future would look like with one of us having a lover. Dec and I always imagined that lover would be Simon’s. Some stupidly perfect girl with a vagina—the one thing we don’t have.”
Simon laughs again. “Because that’s done so well to entice me.”
“Obviously, your sexuality wasn’t part of these thoughts,” I say, flashing him a grin. He’s in my line of sight, so I meet his eyes filled with a smile for just a second. He’s curled in Stommer’s lap while the professor pets Simon in the way he loves. But Simon’s watching the four of us. I cup Sage’s face. “As I’m pretty sure I told you, I knew how we felt toward Simon was unrequited. I knew it would go nowhere.That’sthe future we were striving for. Three best friends. Living our best lives together.”
“Forever bachelors?” Zarek asks.
I shift my focus to view his face through my brother’s eyes. He’s frowning, but most of his tension has slackened. There’s no disbelief in his tone or expression. He’s… surprised.
“Yeah,” I say. “Honestly, we never put too much stock into falling in love. For the reasons that are obvious. Who would love us knowing what kind of relationship we have with our best friend?”
“Or maybe worse, the relationship we have with each other,” Declan adds quietly. I’m actually pretty proud that he said the words out loud. He gives my pride for him the finger.
“I can see how that might be a hurdle,” Zarek says.
“Yes. Hurdle. I think it’s more like the Great Wall of China,” I say. “But yeah. I know that this has been hard for you.” Although I’m cupping Sage’s cheek, I hope Zarek knows I’m talking to him, too. “I hope you understand why we’re not willing to compromise our relationship.”
“Compromise isn’t the right word,” Simon says.
“It’s absolutely the right word,” Declan argues. “I’ll never give up my brother or you. I refused to let anyone else close because I wasn’t convinced someone could look beyond those bonds and still love me. Love me enough to want a life with me. Especially when I feel it kind of slip through my fingers all the time.”
