Page 38 of For Your Heart
Sage laughs and for a minute, it’s like this awful day didn’t happen to him. It sounds light and happy.
“So, Simon. We’re really close. Very, very close.”
“How close are we talking?”
“Lying like this with him is normal.”
There’s a pause before Sage asks, “Naked? After sex?”
“Up until we were teenagers, yeah. Then our parents decided being naked all the time was inappropriate, so we compromised and wore underwear. But no, we’ve never had sex with him.”
“Penetrative sex,”my brother adds helpfully. Is now the time to mention that? Do I need to mention it?
“But it’s a little different too. My brother and I, as I said, did everything together. We were never apart. Ever. For anything. Not hookups. Not math tests. Not driving tests. Being apart really sucks. It makes us feel itchy and uncomfortable. Gives us a headache and shit.”
“You’re never with him here,” Sage says quietly.
I nod. Which is probably what adds to my bad mood, I muse silently.
“Well fuck.”
“So, Simon. When we cuddle like this on the couch, it’s always Simon between us. When we shower, it’s Simon between us. Sleep, dance, play video games, shop… whatever we’re doing. It was always the three of us. With Simon sandwiched in the middle. In a way that the world says isn’t okay for friends to be.”
Sage doesn’t speak, so I keep pushing on.
“Simon… lost his parents when he was ten. Our parents took him in. I’d like to tell you he became like a brother to us, and I suppose in the way Declan and Ibrother, that’s the case. But… there’s nothing sibling about us with Simon.” Any of us, actually. “As we grew older, Simon became increasingly aware that he’snotour sibling. He saw the way my parents took care of him, how we take care of him, as freeloading. It caused him a lot of stress and frustration, something we didn’t understand and, I think, didn’t try hard enough to make him feel better about it. At least, not in the way he needed from us.”
“You love him, don’t you?” Sage asks, his voice quiet. Tense. Maybe even a little hurt.
The way my chest tightens at the tone has me frowning. I feel Declan’s sympathy and understanding.
“Yes,” I say. “I’ve loved him since we were sixteen. I mean, I’ve always loved him, but in the way you’re asking, since we were sixteen.”
“Declan too?”
I nod. “Yep. Everything together.”
“What happened? Where are they now? Did they run off together?”
I laugh quietly. “Honestly, if that were the case, I’d likely be in a much better place. This might sound weird and freaky, but I can feel everything my brother feels.Everything.So if he was with Simon, in a very strange and ethereal sense, I would be too.”
There’s a pause and then Sage shifts under me so excessively that I prop myself up. The way his eyes are comically wide and his mouth hanging open tells me that he’s caught on to exactly what I’m meaning.
“He really is adorable.”
Yeah, thanks, Dec. Go fuck around with your own guy for a bit, yeah?
“I can do both.”
He’s not though. I don’t think he’s with the guy at all right now. Which stings a little. I hate when he’s alone.
“I’m not alone. I’m with you.”
Weirdo.
“Yes,” I eventually answer Sage. “Just what you’re thinking.”
His cheeks flame. It’s fucking cute the way I watch it rise from his neck to cover his face and reach to the tips of his ears. I kiss him lightly. “You want to talk about the freaky twin thing, or Simon?”
