Page 41 of For Your Heart
“I feel like Sage didn’t immediately run away when I said we sleep together and shower together. And I like tying him up, so…” I shrug. “It feels good that he knows to some extent about Simon and you. I wasn’t exactly hiding it before, but… I don’t know. Yeah, it feels good. I’m not sure what that means, though.”
Declan exhales heavily and pulls away. We get out of the shower, dry off, and step into underwear before falling into bed. It’s still early. The sun has barely gone down. I suspect that means Sage and I left work early, though I wasn’t really paying attention.
“You were right,” Declan says.
I nod. “Usually. But what about?”
He pinches my thigh. “How you see our future. It’s completely fucking empty.” He grips my hand, and it’s hard. “Damon, I don’t even see us together.”
There’s panic in his voice and it echoes through my body. I roll over, wrapping him in my arms, pinning him between my body and the bed. “We’re always together, Declan. Nothing will change that. You’re my heart and soul.”
“Yeah, but… why don’t I see it anymore?”
“Because we don’t know what’s happening in our lives. We spent so longsureof where we’re going and now, we just don’t know.”
“But we’ll be together,” he says. It’s almost a question but I think he tried to keep the inflection out of the last word, changing it at the last second to be a statement instead.
“Always, Dec. I can’t live without you.”
His arms are tight around my back as he nuzzles his face into my neck. “No,” he says. “It’s bad enough throughout the day.”
“Do you want to watch me fuck Sage?” I ask.
He snorts. “No. But thanks.”
I laugh and we’re quiet.
“That’s the first time I actuallydon’twant to be with you while you’re fucking someone,” he muses. “I’m not sure how I feel about it.”
“Because you want to be fucking someone else. It has nothing to do with me and you, but with the ‘who’ on the other side.”
He relaxes. “Yeah, okay. Because Idowant you there. But I want to be the one fucking. Not your Sage, though.”
“You mean your Zarek, yeah?”
He grins. I can feel it as he presses his face into my hair. “Yeah. Think they’ll let us fuck them together? In the same room?”
“Sage might. I don’t think he really cares who’s around when I have him tied up and begging.”
Declan chuckles.
For a while, we relax in the quiet of our room. Feeling the other’s heartbeats drum in tandem with our own. Our breaths synced. The aches inside us are the exact same shapes.
“Do you think he’s right?” Declan asks. “We can build our own futures?”
“We were always doing that. I think that maybe our future looks so empty because we don’t know if we’ll ever have Simon back. I can’t imagine a life without him. And I really don’t want to.”
“How much longer do you think it’ll be before he answers us?”
“Depends. You think we can have a conversation with him where we’re not trying to tear Stommer apart?”
Declan sighs and it sounds tired. Sad. “I don’t even care about him at this point. I’ll do anything to get Simon home. Even tolerate his stupid professor. But why can’t he see the way Stommer preyed on him?”
“Was he, though?” I ask, nipping at his neck. “Simon approached him for work. Simon agreed to Stommer’s contract. I’ve picked apart everything Simon has ever said. Everything Stommer has said. I think we’re projecting more onto their situation than actually happened. In reality, I don’t think the dick actually hunted Simon at all. In a way that I’m not sure Simon intentionally meant to when he kept approaching Stommer, Simon encouraged him.”
“I hate all of that,” Declan says. “I don’t even care that I think you’re right.”
“So, you think we can keep this neutral? If not, we’re going to cause more damage than is already here, I don’t think I can deal with that.”
