Page 43 of For Your Heart
Why does this have to be so awkward? Why can’t he just take his clothes off and get into bed with us like he used to?
“Is… your professor waiting for you?” Declan asks.
Simon looks back at us and nods. His lip is still between his teeth as he chews it a little. “Yeah,” he says after a second. “I… I guess I wasn’t sure…” He sighs and closes his eyes. There’s a subtle shake of his head. “I don’t know. I just wanted him here. In case I needed him.”
My stomach flips. He shouldn’t need someone else to comfort him. Not from us.
“That’s how badly we’ve fucked up.”
I take a breath and let Declan’s hands go, sitting back. Simon’s gaze turns back to us, and once again, he’s amused. I love the little curl of his lips as he takes in our position. “Kinda hot like that. Freaky twin thing, indeed.”
He’s teasing. A laugh bursts out of me from the relief of it. Fuck, I’ve missed him.
His smile softens. “So…”
I climb off my brother and sit at the edge of the bed. “I really, really need to hug you.” That’s not what I meant to come out of my mouth, but hey, there it is.
Simon smiles, but he doesn’t move. There’s a beat where no one moves. Declan and I aren’t breathing at all as we wait.
Then Simon comes into the room quickly and he’s in my arms, climbing into my lap and we’re falling backwards. Declan is on us in the next second and I’m pretty sure we’re all teary. Jesus, my heart can’t take this. Too much fucking emotion in one day.
“I love you,” Simon says, his voice cracking. “So much. I missed you so much.”
Okay, now I know there are ugly tears running down my face. Declan and I smother him the best we can, but I can’t get my words out. Not without him hearing how much I’m torn up over this.
“He needs to know.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice shaking as I bury my face in his hair to breathe him in. “I’m so fucking sorry, Simon. I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean to lose you. I didn’t mean to push you away.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Declan says as if he’s been the one speaking, picking up where I left off as I catch my voice. “I’m so, so sorry to have made you feel like your only option was to leave. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Simon shudders as he tries to catch his breath. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t,” my brother and I say together.
“You really have absolutely nothing to explain, excuse, or apologize away,” I say.
“We fucked up,” Declan says. “Out of jealousy and possessiveness. Desperation. Fear. Everything. We didn’t know how to keep you, and clearly, we chose the wrong way to do it.”
Minutes go by in silence until Simon wiggles between us and, reluctantly, we give him space so he can sit up. He straddles me just as I had been Declan when he walked in. But Declan sits behind him until Simon moves him around so he can look at both of us.
He wipes the tears from his face, his eyes moving between ours. “I’m not going to apologize. Not for what you think I might. But I am sorry I kept so many things secret from you. If I hadn’t, maybe things would have been different. But I was still learning a lot of things about myself and they scared me. I didn’t know what it meant or… or how to feel about it. This thing with Quin was still new and you two were being fucking crazy. I couldn’t take it.” He shakes his head. “I know you can’t see it, but Quin’s been a huge force of good in my life. I get that you don’t like how it came about, and I won’t even argue that maybe you’re right. But then, if my mother hadn’t died and my dad hadn’t drunk himself into oblivion, I wouldn’t have moved in with you and I wouldn’t change a day of being with you for anything.”
Leaning up on an elbow, I wipe away an errant tear that trails down his cheek. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “We didn’t mean to make you feel like we were a wall instead of your net.”
He laughs a little. “I know. But I don’t think that this was going to happen any other way. You were too angry, and I was too much of a mess to figure out how to get you to listen to me without being assholes.”
“Are you feeling better now?” Declan asks.
Simon laughs quietly and nods. “Yeah. Besides being so fucking tired I could sleep for a year, I’m feeling much better.”
“Ugh,” I say with my brother.
“For fucking real,” I mutter.
“So fucking tired,” Declan agrees.
A warmth spreads through me, knowing that Simon still needs us to sleep as much as we need him.
